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though a little reflection would have shown them that there was
no one in the neighbourhood which for a time I seldom left； who
could possibly have tempted an educated creature to such courses。
Terrible is the lot of a man who； while still young and
possessing the intellect necessary to achievement； is deprived of
all ambition。 And I had none at all。 I did not even wish to
purchase a peerage or a baronetcy in this fashion or in that；
and； as in my father's case； my tastes were so many and so
catholic that I could not lose myself in any one of them。 They
never became more than diversions to me。 A hobby is only really
amusing when it becomes an obsession。
At length my lonesome friendliness oppressed me so much that I
took steps to mitigate it。 In my college life I had two
particular friends whom I think I must have selected because they
were so absolutely different from myself。
They were named Bastin and Bickley。 BastinBasil was his
Christian namewas an uncouth； shock…headed； flat…footed person
of large； rugged frame and equally rugged honesty； with a mind
almost incredibly simple。 Nothing surprised him because he lacked
the faculty of surprise。 He was like that kind of fish which lies
at the bottom of the sea and takes every kind of food into its
great maw without distinguishing its flavour。 Metaphorically
speaking； heavenly manna and decayed cabbage were just the same
to Bastin。 He was not fastidious and both were mental pabulumof
a sorttogether with whatever lay between these extremes。 Yet he
was good； so painfully good that one felt that without exertion
to himself he had booked a first…class ticket straight to Heaven；
indeed that his guardian angel had tied it round his neck at
birth lest he should lose it； already numbered and dated like an
identification disc。
I am bound to add that Bastin never went wrong because he never
felt the slightest temptation to do so。 This I suppose
constitutes real virtue； since； in view of certain Bible sayings；
the person who is tempted and would like to yield to the
temptation； is equally a sinner with the person who does yield。
To be truly good one should be too good to be tempted； or too
weak to make the effort worth the tempter's whilein short not
deserving of his powder and shot。
I need hardly add that Bastin went into the Church； indeed； he
could not have gone anywhere else； it absorbed him naturally； as
doubtless Heaven will do in due course。 Only I think it likely
that until they get to know him he will bore the angels so much
that they will continually move him up higher。 Also if they have
any susceptibilities left； probably he will tread upon their
toesan art in which I never knew his equal。 However； I always
loved Bastin； perhaps because no one else did； a fact of which he
remained totally unconscious； or perhaps because of his brutal
way of telling one what he conceived to be the truth； which； as
he had less imagination than a dormouse； generally it was not。
For if the truth is a jewel； it is one coloured and veiled by
many different lights and atmospheres。
It only remains to add that he was learned in his theological
fashion and that among his further peculiarities were the slow；
monotonous voice in which he uttered his views in long sentences；
and his total indifference to adverse argument however sound and
convincing。
My other friend； Bickley； was a person of a quite different
character。 Like Bastin； he was learned； but his tendencies faced
another way。 If Bastin's omnivorous throat could swallow a camel；
especially a theological camel； Bickley's would strain at the
smallest gnat； especially a theological gnat。 The very best and
most upright of men； yet he believed in nothing that he could not
taste； see or handle。 He was convinced； for instance； that man is
a brute…descended accident and no more； that what we call the
soul or the mind is produced by a certain action of the grey
matter of the brain； that everything apparently inexplicable has
a perfectly mundane explanation； if only one could find it； that
miracles certainly never did happen； and never will； that all
religions are the fruit of human hopes and fears and the most
convincing proof of human weakness； that notwithstanding our
infinite variations we are the subjects of Nature's single law
and the victims of blind； black and brutal chance。
Such was Bickley with his clever； well…cut face that always
reminded me of a cameo； and thoughtful brow； his strong； capable
hands and his rather steely mouth； the mere set of which
suggested controversy of an uncompromising kind。 Naturally as the
Church had claimed Bastin； so medicine claimed Bickley。
Now as it happened the man who succeeded my father as vicar of
Fulcombe was given a better living and went away shortly after I
had purchased the place and with it the advowson。 Just at this
time also I received a letter written in the large； sprawling
hand of Bastin from whom I had not heard for years。 It went
straight to the point； saying that he； Bastin； had seen in a
Church paper that the last incumbent had resigned the living of
Fulcombe which was in my gift。 He would therefore be obliged if I
would give it to him as the place he was at in Yorkshire did not
suit his wife's health。
Here I may state that afterwards I learned that what did not
suit Mrs。 Bastin was the organist； who was pretty。 She was by
nature a woman with a temperament so insanely jealous that
actually she managed to be suspicious of Bastin； whom she had
captured in an unguarded moment when he was thinking of something
else and who would as soon have thought of even looking at any
woman as he would of worshipping Baal。 As a matter of fact it
took him months to know one female from another。 Except as
possible providers of subscriptions and props of Mothers'
Meetings； women had no interest for him。
To returnwith that engaging honesty which I have mentioned
Bastin's letter went on to set out all his own disabilities；
which； he added； would probably render him unsuitable for the
place he desired to fill。 He was a High Churchman； a fact which
would certainly offend many； he had no claims to being a preacher
although he was extraordinarily well acquainted with the writings
of the Early Fathers。 （What on earth had that to do with the
question； I wondered。） On the other hand he had generally been
considered a good visitor and was fond of walking （he meant to
call on distant parishioners； but did not say so）。
Then followed a page and a half on the evils of the existing
system of the presentation to livings by private persons； ending
with the suggestion that I had probably committed a sin in buying
this particular advowson in order to increase my local authority；
that is； if I had bought it； a point on which he was ignorant。
Finally he informed me that as he had to christen a sick baby
five miles away on a certain moor and it was too wet for him to
ride his bicycle； he must stop。 And he stopped。
There was； however； a P。S。 to the letter； which ran as follows：
〃Someone told me that you were dead a few years ago； and of
course it may be another man of the same name who owns Fulcombe。
If so； no doubt the Post Office will send back this letter。〃
That was his only allusion to my humble self in all those
diffuse pages。 It was a long while since I had received an
epistle which made me laugh so much； and of course I gave him the
living by return of post； and even informed him that I would
increase its stipend to a sum which I considered suitable to the
position。
About ten days later I received another letter from Bastin
which； as a scrawl on the flap of the envelope informed me； he
had carried for a week in his pocket and forgotten to post。
Except by inference it returned no thanks for my intended
benefits。 What it did say； however； was that he thought it wrong
of me to have settled a matter of such spiritual importance in so
great a hurry； though he had observed that rich men were nearly
always selfish where their time was concerned。 Moreover； he
considered that I ought first to have made inquiries as to his
present character and attainments； etc。； etc。
To this epistle I replied by telegraph to the effect that I
should as soon think of making inquiries about the character of
an archangel； or that of one of his High Church saints。 This
telegram； he told me afterwards； he considered unseemly and even
ribald； especially as it had given great offence to the
postmaster； who was one of the sidesmen in his church。
Thus it came about that I appointed the Rev。 Basil Bastin to
the living of Fulcombe； feeling sure that he would provide me
with endless amusement and act as a moral tonic and discipline。
Also I appreciated the man's blunt candour。 In due course he
arrived； and I confess that after a few Sundays of experience I
began to have doubts as to