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with her was buried； as you thought； all memory of this transaction。
I leave you to draw your own inference from this disclosure。 Meditate
upon it when alone。 Recal all the incidents of that drama； and labour to
conceive the means by which my sagacity has been able to reach events
that took place so far off； and under so deep a covering。 If you cannot
penetrate these means； learn to reverence my assertions； that I cannot be
deceived； and let sincerity be henceforth the rule of your conduct towards
me； not merely because it is right； but because concealment is impossible。
We will stop here。 There is no haste required of us。 Yesterday's
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
discourse will suffice for to…day； and for many days to come。 Let what
has already taken place be the subject of profound and mature reflection。
Review； once more； the incidents of your early life； previous to your
introduction to me； and； at our next conference； prepare to supply all those
deficiencies occasioned by negligence； forgetfulness； or design on our first。
There must be some。 There must be many。 The whole truth can only be
disclosed after numerous and repeated conversations。 These must take
place at considerable intervals； and when ~~all~~ is told； then shall you be
ready to encounter the final ordeal； and load yourself with heavy and
terrific sanctions。
I shall be the proper judge of the completeness of your confession。
Knowing previously； and by unerring means； your whole history； I shall be
able to detect all that is deficient； as well as all that is redundant。 Your
confessions have hitherto adhered to the truth； but deficient they are； and
they must be； for who； at a single trial； can detail the secrets of his life？
whose recollection can fully serve him at an instant's notice？ who can
free himself； by a single effort； from the dominion of fear and shame？
We expect no miracles of fortitude and purity from our disciples。 It is
our discipline； our wariness； our laborious preparation that creates the
excellence we have among us。 We find it not ready made。
I counsel you to join Mrs。 Benington without delay。 You may see me
when and as often as you please。 When it is proper to renew the present
topic； it shall be renewed。 Till then we will be silent。Here Ludloe left
me alone； but not to indifference or vacuity。 Indeed I was overwhelmed
with the reflections that arose from this conversation。 So； said I； I am
still saved； if I have wisdom enough to use the opportunity； from the
consequences of past concealments。 By a distinction which I had wholly
overlooked； but which could not be missed by the sagacity and equity of
Ludloe； I have praise for telling the truth； and an excuse for withholding
some of the truth。 It was； indeed； a praise to which I was entitled； for I
have made no ~~additions~~ to the tale of my early adventures。 I had no
motive to exaggerate or dress out in false colours。 What I sought to
conceal； I was careful to exclude entirely； that a lame or defective
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
narrative might awaken no suspicions。
The allusion to incidents at Toledo confounded and bewildered all my
thoughts。 I still held the paper he had given me。 So far as memory
could be trusted； it was the same which； an hour after I had received it； I
burnt； as I conceived； with my own hands。 How Ludloe came into
possession of this paper； how he was apprised of incidents； to which only
the female mentioned and myself were privy； which she had too good
reason to hide from all the world； and which I had taken infinite pains to
bury in oblivion； I vainly endeavoured to conjecture。
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