按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
charged with the want of patriotism； the want of sense； and the
want of heart too； that I went through agonies of self…conflict
and shed secret tears not a few； and had the beauties of the
Furca Pass spoiled for me； and have been called an 〃incorrigible
Don Quixote；〃 in allusion to the book…born madness of the knight。
For that spoil！ They rustle； those bits of papersome dozen of
them in all。 In that faint； ghostly sound there live the
memories of twenty years； the voices of rough men now no more；
the strong voice of the everlasting winds； and the whisper of a
mysterious spell； the murmur of the great sea； which must have
somehow reached my inland cradle and entered my unconscious ear；
like that formula of Mohammedan faith the Mussulman father
whispers into the ear of his new…born infant； making him one of
the faithful almost with his first breath。 I do not know whether
I have been a good seaman； but I know I have been a very faithful
one。 And after all there is that handful of 〃characters〃 from
various ships to prove that all these years have not been
altogether a dream。 There they are； brief； and monotonous in
tone； but as suggestive bits of writing to me as any inspired
page to be found in literature。 But then； you see； I have been
called romantic。 Well； that can't be helped。 But stay。 I seem
to remember that I have been called a realist also。 And as that
charge too can be made out； let us try to live up to it； at
whatever cost； for a change。 With this end in view； I will
confide to you coyly； and only because there is no one about to
see my blushes by the light of the midnight lamp； that these
suggestive bits of quarter…deck appreciation one and all contain
the words 〃strictly sober。〃
Did I overhear a civil murmur； 〃That's very gratifying； to be
sure〃？ Well； yes； it is gratifyingthank you。 It is at least
as gratifying to be certified sober as to be certified romantic；
though such certificates would not qualify one for the
secretaryship of a temperance association or for the post of
official troubadour to some lordly democratic institution such as
the London County Council； for instance。 The above prosaic
reflection is put down here only in order to prove the general
sobriety of my judgment in mundane affairs。 I make a point of it
because a couple of years ago； a certain short story of mine
being published in a French translation； a Parisian criticI am
almost certain it was M。 Gustave Kahn in the 〃Gil…Blas〃giving
me a short notice； summed up his rapid impression of the writer's
quality in the words un puissant reveur。 So be it！ Who would
cavil at the words of a friendly reader？ Yet perhaps not such an
unconditional dreamer as all that。 I will make bold to say that
neither at sea nor ashore have I ever lost the sense of
responsibility。 There is more than one sort of intoxication。
Even before the most seductive reveries I have remained mindful
of that sobriety of interior life； that asceticism of sentiment；
in which alone the naked form of truth； such as one conceives it；
such as one feels it； can be rendered without shame。 It is but a
maudlin and indecent verity that comes out through the strength
of wine。 I have tried to be a sober worker all my lifeall my
two lives。 I did so from taste； no doubt； having an instinctive
horror of losing my sense of full self…possession； but also from
artistic conviction。 Yet there are so many pitfalls on each side
of the true path that； having gone some way； and feeling a little
battered and weary； as a middle…aged traveller will from the mere
daily difficulties of the march； I ask myself whether I have kept
always； always faithful to that sobriety wherein there is power；
and truth； and peace。
As to my sea…sobriety； that is quite properly certified under the
sign…manual of several trustworthy shipmasters of some standing
in their time。 I seem to hear your polite murmur that 〃Surely
this might have been taken for granted。〃 Well； no。 It might not
have been。 That august academical body the Marine Department of
the Board of Trade takes nothing for granted in the granting of
its learned degrees。 By its regulations issued under the first
Merchant Shipping Act； the very word SOBER must be written； or a
whole sackful； a ton； a mountain of the most enthusiastic
appreciation will avail you nothing。 The door of the examination
rooms shall remain closed to your tears and entreaties。 The most
fanatical advocate of temperance could not be more pitilessly
fierce in his rectitude than the Marine Department of the Board
of Trade。 As I have been face to face at various times with all
the examiners of the Port of London； in my generation； there can
be no doubt as to the force and the continuity of my
abstemiousness。 Three of them were examiners in seamanship； and
it was my fate to be delivered into the hands of each of them at
proper intervals of sea service。 The first of all； tall； spare；
with a perfectly white head and moustache； a quiet； kindly
manner； and an air of benign intelligence； must； I am forced to
conclude； have been unfavourably impressed by something in my
appearance。 His old thin hands loosely clasped resting on his
crossed legs； he began by an elementary question in a mild voice；
and went on； went on。 。 。It lasted for hours； for hours。 Had I
been a strange microbe with potentialities of deadly mischief to
the Merchant Service I could not have been submitted to a more
microscopic examination。 Greatly reassured by his apparent
benevolence； I had been at first very alert in my answers。 But
at length the feeling of my brain getting addled crept upon me。
And still the passionless process went on； with a sense of untold
ages having been spent already on mere preliminaries。 Then I got
frightened。 I was not frightened of being plucked； that
eventuality did not even present itself to my mind。 It was
something much more serious； and weird。 〃This ancient person；〃 I
said to myself； terrified； 〃is so near his grave that he must
have lost all notion of time。 He is considering this examination
in terms of eternity。 It is all very well for him。 His race is
run。 But I may find myself coming out of this room into the
world of men a stranger； friendless； forgotten by my very
landlady； even were I able after this endless experience to
remember the way to my hired home。〃 This statement is not so
much of a verbal exaggeration as may be supposed。 Some very
queer thoughts passed through my head while I was considering my
answers； thoughts which had nothing to do with seamanship； nor
yet with anything reasonable known to this earth。 I verily
believe that at times I was lightheaded in a sort of languid way。
At last there fell a silence； and that； too； seemed to last for
ages； while； bending over his desk； the examiner wrote out my
pass…slip slowly with a noiseless pen。 He extended the scrap of
paper to me without a word； inclined his white head gravely to my
parting bow。 。 。
When I got out of the room I felt limply flat； like a squeezed
lemon； and the door…keeper in his glass cage； where I stopped to
get my hat and tip him a shilling； said：
〃Well！ I thought you were never coming out。〃
〃How long have I been in there？〃 I asked faintly。
He pulled out his watch。
〃He kept you； sir； just under three hours。 I don't think this
ever happened with any of the gentlemen before。〃
It was only when I got out of the building that I began to walk
on air。 And the human animal being averse from change and timid
before the unknown； I said to myself that I would not mind really
being examined by the same man on a future occasion。 But when
the time of ordeal came round again the doorkeeper let me into
another room； with the now familiar paraphernalia of models of
ships and tackle； a board for signals on the wall； a big long
table covered with official forms； and having an unrigged mast
fixed to the edge。 The solitary tenant was unknown to me by
sight； though not by reputation； which was simply execrable。
Short and sturdy as far as I could judge； clad in an old； brown；
morning…suit； he sat leaning on his elbow； his hand shading his
eyes； and half averted from the chair I was to occupy on the
other side of the table。 He was motionless； mysterious； remote；
enigmatical； with something mournful too in the pose； like