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under no circumstances； may you at any time in Germany walk on the
grass。 Grass in Germany is quite a fetish。 To put your foot on German
grass would be as great a sacrilege as to dance a hornpipe on a
Mohammedan's praying…mat。 The very dogs respect German grass； no
German dog would dream of putting a paw on it。 If you see a dog
scampering across the grass in Germany； you may know for certain that it
is the dog of some unholy foreigner。 In England； when we want to keep
dogs out of places； we put up wire netting； six feet high； supported by
buttresses； and defended on the top by spikes。 In Germany； they put a
notice…board in the middle of the place； 〃Hunden verboten；〃 and a dog that
has German blood in its veins looks at that notice…board and walks away。
In a German park I have seen a gardener step gingerly with felt boots on to
grass…plot； and removing therefrom a beetle； place it gravely but firmly on
the gravel； which done； he stood sternly watching the beetle； to see that it
did not try to get back on the grass； and the beetle； looking utterly
ashamed of itself； walked hurriedly down the gutter； and turned up the
path marked 〃Ausgang。〃
In German parks separate roads are devoted to the different orders of
the community； and no one person； at peril of liberty and fortune； may go
upon another person's road。 There are special paths for 〃wheel…riders〃
and special paths for 〃foot…goers；〃 avenues for 〃horse…riders；〃 roads for
people in light vehicles； and roads for people in heavy vehicles； ways for
children and for 〃alone ladies。〃 That no particular route has yet been set
aside for bald…headed men or 〃new women〃 has always struck me as an
omission。
In the Grosse Garten in Dresden I once came across an old lady；
standing； helpless and bewildered； in the centre of seven tracks。 Each was
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guarded by a threatening notice； warning everybody off it but the person
for whom it was intended。
〃I am sorry to trouble you；〃 said the old lady； on learning I could speak
English and read German； 〃but would you mind telling me what I am and
where I have to go？〃
I inspected her carefully。 I came to the conclusion that she was a
〃grown…up〃 and a 〃foot…goer；〃 and pointed out her path。 She looked at it；
and seemed disappointed。
〃But I don't want to go down there；〃 she said； 〃mayn't I go this way？〃
〃Great heavens； no； madam！〃 I replied。 〃That path is reserved for
children。〃
〃But I wouldn't do them any harm；〃 said the old lady； with a smile。 She
did not look the sort of old lady who would have done them any harm。
〃Madam；〃 I replied； 〃if it rested with me； I would trust you down that
path； though my own first…born were at the other end； but I can only
inform you of the laws of this country。 For you； a full… grown woman； to
venture down that path is to go to certain fine； if not imprisonment。
There is your path； marked plainlyNur fur Fussganger； and if you will
follow my advice； you will hasten down it； you are not allowed to stand
here and hesitate。〃
〃It doesn't lead a bit in the direction I want to go；〃 said the old lady。
〃It leads in the direction you OUGHT to want to go；〃 I replied； and we
parted。
In the German parks there are special seats labelled； 〃Only for grown…
ups〃 （Nur fur Erwachsene）； and the German small boy； anxious to sit
down； and reading that notice； passes by； and hunts for a seat on which
children are permitted to rest； and there he seats himself； careful not to
touch the woodwork with his muddy boots。 Imagine a seat in Regent's or
St。 James's Park labelled 〃Only for grown…ups！〃 Every child for five
miles round would be trying to get on that seat； and hauling other children
off who were on。 As for any 〃grown…up；〃 he would never be able to get
within half a mile of that seat for the crowd。 The German small boy； who
has accidentally sat down on such without noticing； rises with a start when
his error is pointed out to him； and goes away with down…cast head；
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brushing to the roots of his hair with shame and regret。
Not that the German child is neglected by a paternal Government。 In
German parks and public gardens special places （Spielplatze） are provided
for him； each one supplied with a heap of sand。 There he can play to his
heart's content at making mud pies and building sand castles。 To the
German child a pie made of any other mud than this would appear an
immoral pie。 It would give to him no satisfaction： his soul would
revolt against it。
〃That pie；〃 he would say to himself； 〃was not； as it should have been；
made of Government mud specially set apart for the purpose； it was nor
manufactured in the place planned and maintained by the Government for
the making of mud pies。 It can bring no real blessing with it； it is a
lawless pie。〃 And until his father had paid the proper fine； and he had
received his proper licking； his conscience would continue to trouble him。
Another excellent piece of material for obtaining excitement in
Germany is the simple domestic perambulator。 What you may do with a
〃kinder…wagen；〃 as it is called； and what you may not； covers pages of
German law； after the reading of which； you conclude that the man who
can push a perambulator through a German town without breaking the law
was meant for a diplomatist。 You must not loiter with a perambulator；
and you must not go too fast。 You must not get in anybody's way with a
perambulator； and if anybody gets in your way you must get out of their
way。 If you want to stop with a perambulator； you must go to a place
specially appointed where perambulators may stop； and when you get
there you MUST stop。 You must not cross the road with a perambulator；
if you and the baby happen to live on the other side； that is your fault。
You must not leave your perambulator anywhere； and only in certain
places can you take it with you。 I should say that in Germany you could
go out with a perambulator and get into enough trouble in half an hour to
last you for a month。 Any young Englishman anxious for a row with the
police could not do better than come over to Germany and bring his
perambulator with him。
In Germany you must not leave your front door unlocked after ten
o'clock at night； and you must not play the piano in your own house after
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eleven。 In England I have never felt I wanted to play the piano myself；
or to hear anyone else play it； after eleven o'clock at night； but that is a
very different thing to being told that you must not play it。 Here； in
Germany； I never feel that I really care for the piano until eleven o'clock；
then I could sit and listen to the 〃Maiden's Prayer；〃 or the Overture to
〃Zampa；〃 with pleasure。 To the law…loving German； on the other hand；
music after eleven o'clock at night ceases to be music； it becomes sin； and
as such gives him no satisfaction。
The only individual throughout Germany who ever dreams of taking
liberties with the law is the German student； and he only to a certain well…
defined point。 By custom； certain privileges are permitted to him； but
even these are strictly limited and clearly understood。 For instance； the
German student may get drunk and fall asleep in the gutter with no other
penalty than that of having the next morning to tip the policeman who has
found him and brought him home。 But for this purpose he must choose
the gutters of side… streets。