按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
swiftly。
You tired young men； sitting dejectedly on milestones； too spent to
heed the steady rain that soaks you through； you weary maidens； with the
straight； damp hair； anxious about the time； longing to swear； not knowing
how； you stout bald men； vanishing visibly as you pant and grunt along
the endless road； you purple； dejected matrons； plying with pain the slow
unwilling wheel； why did you not see to it that you bought a 〃Britain's
Best〃 or a 〃Camberwell Eureka〃？ Why are these bicycles of inferior
make so prevalent throughout the land
Or is it with bicycling as with all other things： does Life at no point
realise the Poster？
The one thing in Germany that never fails to charm and fascinate me is
the German dog。 In England one grows tired of the old breeds； one
knows them all so well： the mastiff； the plum…pudding dog； the terrier
（black； white or rough…haired； as the case may be； but always quarrelsome）；
the collie； the bulldog； never anything new。 Now in Germany you get
variety。 You come across dogs the like of which you have never seen
before： that until you hear them bark you do not know are dogs。 It is
all so fresh； so interesting。 George stopped a dog in Sigmaringen and drew
our attention to it。 It suggested a cross between a codfish and a poodle。 I
would not like to be positive it was NOT a cross between a codfish and a
127
… Page 128…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
poodle。 Harris tried to photograph it； but it ran up a fence and
disappeared through some bushes。
I do not know what the German breeder's idea is； at present he retains
his secret。 George suggests he is aiming at a griffin。 There is much to
bear out this theory； and indeed in one or two cases I have come across
success on these lines would seem to have been almost achieved。 Yet I
cannot bring myself to believe that such are anything more than mere
accidents。 The German is practical； and I fail to see the object of a griffin。
If mere quaintness of design be desired； is there not already the
Dachshund！ What more is needed？ Besides； about a house； a griffin
would be so inconvenient： people would be continually treading on its
tail。 My own idea is that what the Germans are trying for is a mermaid；
which they will then train to catch fish。
For your German does not encourage laziness in any living thing。 He
likes to see his dogs work； and the German dog loves work； of that there
can be no doubt。 The life of the English dog must be a misery to him。
Imagine a strong； active； and intelligent being； of exceptionally energetic
temperament； condemned to spend twenty…four hours a day in absolute
idleness！ How would you like it yourself？ No wonder he feels
misunderstood； yearns for the unattainable； and gets himself into trouble
generally。
Now the German dog； on the other hand； has plenty to occupy his
mind。 He is busy and important。 Watch him as he walks along
harnessed to his milk cart。 No churchwarden at collection time could
feel or look more pleased with himself。 He does not do any real work；
the human being does the pushing； he does the barking； that is his idea of
division of labour。 What he says to himself is：
〃The old man can't bark； but he can shove。 Very well。〃
The interest and the pride he takes in the business is quite beautiful to
see。 Another dog passing by makes； maybe； some jeering remark；
casting discredit upon the creaminess of the milk。 He stops suddenly； quite
regardless of the traffic。
〃I beg your pardon； what was that you said about our milk？〃
〃I said nothing about your milk；〃 retorts the other dog； in a tone of
128
… Page 129…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
gentle innocence。 〃I merely said it was a fine day； and asked the price of
chalk。〃
〃Oh； you asked the price of chalk； did you？ Would you like to
know？〃
〃Yes； thanks； somehow I thought you would be able to tell me。〃
〃You are quite right； I can。 It's worth〃
〃Oh； do come along！〃 says the old lady； who is tired and hot； and
anxious to finish her round。
〃Yes； but hang it all； did you hear what he hinted about our milk？〃
〃Oh； never mind him！ There's a tram coming round the corner： we
shall all get run over。〃
〃Yes； but I do mind him； one has one's proper pride。 He asked the
price of chalk； and he's going to know it！ It's worth just twenty times as
much〃
〃You'll have the whole thing over； I know you will；〃 cries the old lady；
pathetically； struggling with all her feeble strength to haul him back。 〃Oh
dear； oh dear！ I do wish I had left you at home。〃
The tram is bearing down upon them； a cab…driver is shouting at them；
another huge brute； hoping to be in time to take a hand； is dragging a
bread cart； followed by a screaming child； across the road from the
opposite side； a small crowd is collecting； and a policeman is hastening to
the scene。
〃It's worth；〃 says the milk dog； 〃just twenty…times as much as you'll be
worth before I've done with you。〃
〃Oh； you think so； do you？〃
〃Yes； I do； you grandson of a French poodle； you cabbage…eating〃
〃There！ I knew you'd have it over；〃 says the poor milk…woman。 〃I
told him he'd have it over。〃
But he is busy； and heeds her not。 Five minutes later； when the traffic
is renewed； when the bread girl has collected her muddy rolls； and the
policeman has gone off with the name and address of everybody in the
street； he consents to look behind him。
〃It IS a bit of an upset；〃 he admits。 Then shaking himself free of care；
he adds； cheerfully； 〃But I guess I taught him the price of chalk。 He
129
… Page 130…
THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
won't interfere with us again； I'm thinking。〃
〃I'm sure I hope not；〃 says the old lady； regarding dejectedly the milky
road。
But his favourite sport is to wait at the top of the hill for another dog；
and then race down。 On these occasions the chief occupation of the other
fellow is to run about behind； picking up the scattered articles； loaves；
cabbages； or shirts； as they are jerked out。 At the bottom of the hill； he
stops and waits for his friend。
〃Good race； wasn't it？〃 he remarks； panting； as the Human comes up；
laden to the chin。 〃I believe I'd have won it； too； if it hadn't been for that
fool of a small boy。 He was right in my way just as I turned the corner。
YOU NOTICED HIM？ Wish I had； beastly brat！ What's he yelling like
that for？ BECAUSE I KNOCKED HIM DOWN AND RAN OVER
HIM？ Well； why didn't he get out of the way？ It's disgraceful； the way
people leave their children about for other people to tumble over。 Halloa！
did all those things come out？ You couldn't have packed them very
carefully； you should see to a thing like that。 YOU DID NOT DREAM
OF MY TEARING DOWN THE HILL TWENTY MILES AN HOUR？
Surely； you knew me better than to expect I'd let that old Schneider's dog
pass me without an effort。 But there； you never think。 You're sure
you've got them all？ YOU BELIEVE SO？ I shouldn't 'believe' if I were
you； I should run back up the hill again and make sure。 YOU FEEL TOO
TIRED？ Oh； all right！ don't blame me if anything is missing； that's all。〃
He is so self…willed。 He is cock…sure that the correct turning is the
second on the right； and nothing will persuade him that it is the third。 He
is positive he can get across the road in time； and will not be convinced
until he sees the cart smashed up。 Th