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lf； rather than by telling it give anybody room to doubt； for one minute； of my veracity。 It is most certain； that the reputation of chastity is not so necessary for a women； as that of veracity is for a man； and with reason； for it is possible for a woman to be virtuous； though not strictly chaste； but it is not possible for a man to be virtuous without strict veracity。 The slips of the poor women are sometimes mere bodily frailties； but a lie in a man is a vice of the mind and of the heart。 For God's sake be scrupulously jealous of the purity of your moral character； keep it immaculate； unblemished； unsullied； and it will be unsuspected。 Defamation and calumny never attack； where there is no weak place； they magnify； but they do not create。
There is a very great difference between the purity of character； which I so earnestly recommend to you； and the stoical gravity and austerity of character； which I do by no means recommend to you。 At your； age； I would no more wish you to be a Cato than a Clodius。 Be； and be reckoned； a man of pleasure as well as a man of business。 Enjoy this happy and giddy time of your life； shine in the pleasures； and in the company of people of your own age。 This is all to be done； and indeed only can be done； without the least taint to the purity of your moral character； for those mistaken young fellows； who think to shine by an impious or immoral licentiousness； shine only from their stinking； like corrupted flesh； in the dark。 Without this purity； you can have no dignity of character； and without dignity of character it is impossible to rise in the world。 You must be respectable； if you will be respected。 I have known people slattern away their character； without really polluting it； the consequence of which has been； that they have become innocently contemptible； their merit has been dimmed； their pretensions unregarded； and all their views defeated。 Character must be kept bright； as well as clean。 Content yourself with mediocrity in nothing。 In purity of character and in politeness of manners labor to excel all； if you wish to equal many。 Adieu。
LETTER CI
LONDON； January 11； O。 S。 1750
MY DEAR FRIEND： Yesterday I received a letter from Mr。 Harte； of the 31st December； N。 S。； which I will answer soon； and for which I desire you to return him my thanks now。 He tells me two things that give me great satisfaction： one is that there are very few English at Rome； the other is； that you frequent the best foreign companies。 This last is a very good symptom； for a man of sense is never desirous to frequent those companies； where he is not desirous to please； or where he finds that he displeases； it will not be expected in those companies； that； at your age； you should have the 'Garbo'； the 'Disinvoltura'； and the 'Leggiadria' of a man of five…and…twenty； who has been long used to keep the best companies； and therefore do not be discouraged； and think yourself either slighted or laughed at； because you see others； older and more used to the world； easier； more familiar； and consequently rather better received in those companies than yourself。 In time your turn will come； and if you do but show an inclination； a desire to please； though you should be embarrassed or even err in the means； which must necessarily happen to you at first； yet the will （to use a vulgar expression） will be taken for the deed； and people； instead of laughing at you； will be glad to instruct you。 Good sense can only give you the great outlines of good…breeding； but observation and usage can alone give you the delicate touches； and the fine coloring。 You will naturally endeavor to show the utmost respect to people of certain ranks and characters； and consequently you will show it； but the proper； the delicate manner of showing that respect； nothing but observation and time can give。
I remember that when； with all the awkwardness and rust of Cambridge about me； I was first introduced into good company； I was frightened out of my wits。 I was determined to be； what I thought； civil； I made fine low bows； and placed myself below everybody； but when I was spoken to； or attempted to speak myself； 'obstupui； steteruntque comae； et vox faucibus haesit'。 If I saw people whisper； I was sure it was at me； and I thought myself the sole object of either the ridicule or the censure of the whole company； who； God knows； did not trouble their heads about me。 In this way I suffered； for some time； like a criminal at the bar； and should certainly have renounced all polite company forever； if I had not been so convinced of the absolute necessity of forming my manners upon those of the best companies； that I determined to persevere and suffer anything； or everything； rather than not compass that point。 Insensibly it grew easier to me； and I began not to bow so ridiculously low； and to answer questions without great hesitation or stammering： if； now and then； some charitable people； seeing my embarrassment； and being 'desoevre' themselves； came and spoke to me； I considered them as angels sent to comfort me； and that gave me a little courage。 I got more soon afterward； and was intrepid enough to go up to a fine woman； and tell her that I thought it a warm day； she answered me； very civilly； that she thought so too； upon which the conversation ceased； on my part； for some time； till she； good…naturedly resuming it； spoke to me thus： 〃I see your embarrassment； and I am sure that the few words you said to me cost you a great deal； but do not be discouraged for that reason； and avoid good company。 We see that you desire to please； and that is the main point； you want only the manner； and you think that you want it still more than you do。 You must go through your noviciate before you can profess good… breeding： and； if you will be my novice； I will present you my acquaintance as such。〃
You will easily imagine how much this speech pleased me； and how awkwardly I answered it； I hemmed once or twice （for it gave me a bur in my throat） before I could tell her that I was very much obliged to her； that it was true； that I had a great deal of reason to distrust my own behavior； not being used to fine company； and that I should be proud of being her novice； and receiving her instructions。
As soon as I had fumbled out this answer； she called up three or four people to her； and said： Savez…vous （for she was a foreigner； and I was abroad） que j'ai entrepris ce jeune homme； et qu'il le faut rassurer？ Pour moi； je crois en avoir fait ＇Do you know that I have undertaken this young man； and he must be encouraged？ As for me； I think I have made a conquest of him； for he just now ventured to tell me； although tremblingly； that it is warm。 You will assist me in polishing him。 He must necessarily have a passion for somebody； if he does not think me worthy of being the object； he will seek out some other。 However； my novice； do not disgrace yourself by frequenting opera girls and actresses； who will not require of you sentiments and politeness； but will be your ruin in every respect。 I repeat it to you； my； friend； if you should get into low； mean company； you will be undone。 Those creatures will destroy your fortune and your health； corrupt your morals； and you will never acquire the style of good company。＇
The company laughed at this lecture； and I was stunned with it。 I did not know whether she was serious or in jest。 By turns I was pleased； ashamed； encouraged； and dejected。 But when I found afterward； that both she； and those to whom she had presented me； countenanced and protected me in company； I gradually got more assurance； and began not to be ashamed of endeavoring to be civil。 I copied the best masters； at first servilely； afterward more freely； and at last I joined habit and invention。
All this will happen to you； if you persevere in the desire of pleasing and shining as a man of the world； that part of your character is the only one about which I have at present the least doubt。 I cannot entertain the least suspicion of your moral character； your learned character is out of question。 Your polite character is now the only remaining object that gives me the least anxiety； and you are now in the right way of finishing it。 Your constant collision with good company will； of course； smooth and polish you。 I could wish that you would say； to the five or six men or women with whom you are the most acquainted； that you are sensible that； from youth and inexperience； you must make many mistakes in good…breeding； that you beg of them to correct you； without reserve； wherever they see you fail； and that you shall take such admonition as the strongest proofs of their friendship。 Such a confession and application will be very engaging to those to whom you make them。 They will tell others of them； who will be pleased with that disposition； and； in a friendly manner； tell you of any little slip or error。 The Duke de Nivernois ＇ At that time Ambassador from the Court of France to Rome。＇ would； I am sure； be charmed； if you dropped such a thing to him； adding； that you loved to address yourself always to the best masters。 Observe also the different modes of good…breeding of several nations； and conform yourself to them