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that having a gourmet lunch appear on her desk that she didn’t feel
like eating had been a really stressful part of her day。
Emily had just returned with a can of Diet Coke and a package of
raisins for me。 This was supposed to be the snack to tide me over to
lunch； and of course there wasn’t a single calorie or gram of fat or
ounce of added sugar in the whole thing。 She dropped them on her
desk when she heard Miranda calling and ran over to shut her French
doors。
“What happened？” she whispered； eyeing the untouched tray of food
that I was holding； frozen to the spot near my desk。
“Oh； it seems our charming boss already had her lunch；” I hissed
through clenched teeth。 “And she just reamed me out for not
predicting； not divining； not being able to look directly inside her
stomach and know that she wasn’t hungry anymore。”
“You’re kidding me；” she said。 “She yelled at you because you ran to
get her lunch—just like she asked—and then couldn’t possibly have
known that she’d already eaten somewhere else？ What a bitch！”
I nodded。 It was a phenomenal change of pace to have Emily actually
take my side for once； not to lecture me on all the ways I Just
Don’t Get It。 But； wait！ It was too good to be true。 Like a sun that
falls out of the sky； leaving only pink and blue streaks where it
had shone seconds before； Emily’s face flashed from angry to
contrite。 TheRunway Paranoid Turnaround。
“Remember what we talked about before； Andrea。” Oh； yes； here it
es。 RPT； twelve o’clock。 “She doesn’t do it to hurt you。 She
doesn’t mean anything by it。 She’s just way too important to get
held up on the little stuff。 So don’t fight it。 Just throw out the
food； and let’s move on。” Emily fixed her features in a determined
look and took a seat in front of her puter。 I knew she was
wondering right then and there if Miranda had had our outer office
areas bugged and had heard the whole thing。 She was red and
flustered and very obviously displeased with her lack of control。 I
didn’t know how she had survived as long as she had。
I thought about eating the steak myself； but the mere thought that
it had been on Miranda’s desk only moments earlier made me feel
nauseated。 I took the tray to the kitchen and tilted it so every
single item would just slide directly into the garbage—all the
expertly cooked and seasoned food； the china plate； the metal butter
container； the salt box； the linen napkin； the silver； the steak
knife； and the Baccarat glass。 Gone。 All gone。 What did it matter？
I’d get it all over again the next day； or whenever it was that she
may again be hungry for lunch。
By the time I’d made it to Drinkland； Alex looked annoyed and Lily
looked wasted。 I immediately wondered if Alex somehow knew that I’d
been asked out on a date today； by a guy who was not only famous and
older； but also a plete and total dickhead。 Could he tell？ Did he
sense it？ Should I tell him？ No； no need to get into it with him
when it was so insignificant。 It wasn’t like I was admitting to
being interested in some other guy； not like I would actually ever
act on it。 So there was nothing to gain by mentioning the
conversation at all。
“Hey there； fashion girl；” Lily slurred； waving her gin and tonic
toward me in a salute。 Some of it splashed down the front of her
cardigan； but she didn’t seem to notice。 “Or should I say； future
roomie？ Get a drink。 We need to have a toast！” It came out sounding
like “toath。”
I kissed Alex and sat down next to him。
“Don’t you look hot today！” he said； eyeing my Prada outfit
appreciatively。 “When did this happen？”
“Oh； today。 Right around the time it was all but spelled out that if
I didn’t fix my look I might not have a job anymore。 Pretty
insulting stuff； but I have to say； if you’ve got to put something
on every day； this stuff isn’t half bad。
“Hey； listen； guys。 I’m really； really sorry I’m late。 The Book took
forever tonight； and as soon as I dropped it off at Miranda’s she
had me run to the corner deli and pick up some basil。”
“I thought you said she had a cook；” Alex pointed out。 “Why couldn’t
he do it？”
“She does indeed have a cook。 She also has a housekeeper； a nanny；
and two children。 So I have no idea why I was the one sent out for
dinner spices。 It was especially annoying since Fifth Avenue doesn’t
have any corner delis； and neither does Madison or Park； so I had to
go all the way to Lex to find one。 But； of course； they didn’t sell
basil； so I had to walk up nine blocks until I found an open
D’Agostino’s。 It took me an extra forty…five minutes。 I should just
expense a fucking spice rack and start traveling with it wherever I
go。 But let me tell you； those were a really； really worthwhile
forty…five minutes！ I mean； think of how much I learned shopping for
that basil； how better prepared I am for my future in magazines！ I’m
on the fast track to being an editor now！” I flashed a winning
smile。
“To your future！” Lily cried； not detecting a single hint of sarcasm
in my diatribe。
“She’s so far gone；” Alex said quietly； watching Lily with the look
of someone watching a sick relative sleep in a hospital bed。 “I got
here on time with Max； who already left； but she must’ve been here
for hours already。 Either that； or she drinks really fast。”
Lily had always been a big drinker； but it wasn’t weird； because
Lily was a big everything。 She was the first one to smoke pot in
junior high and the first one to lose her virginity in high school
and the first to go skydiving in college。 She loved anyone and
anything that didn’t love her back； so long as it made herfeel
alive。
“I just don’t understand how you can sleep with him when you know
he’s never going to break up with his girlfriend；” I’d said about a
guy she’d been secretly seeing our junior year。
“I just don’t understand how you can play by so many rules；” she’d
shot back instantly。 “Where’s the fun in all your perfectly planned；
mapped…out； rule…filled life？ Live a little； Andy！ Feel something！
It’s good to be alive！”
Maybe she had been drinking a little more lately； but I knew that
her first…year studies were incredibly stressful； even for her； and
that her professors at Columbia were more demanding and less
understanding than the ones she’d had wrapped around her finger at
Brown。It might not be a bad idea； I thought； signaling to the
waitress。 Maybe drinking was the way to handle it。 I ordered an
Absolut and grapefruit juice and took a long； deep swig。 It made me
feel more sick than anything； because I still hadn’t had time to eat
anything except the raisins and the Diet Coke Emily had scraped
together for me earlier that day。
“I’m sure she’s just had a rough couple of weeks in school；” I said
to Alex as though Lily weren’t sitting with us。 She didn’t notice we
were talking about her because she was preoccupied giving some
yuppie guy at the bar heavy…lidded； e…hither looks。 Alex put his
arm around me and I snuggled closer on the couch。 It felt so good to
be near him again—it seemed like it had been weeks。
“I hate to be a buzz…kill； but I really have to get Home；” Alex
said； pushing my hair back behind my ear。 “Will you be OK with her？”
“You have to leave？ Already？”
“Already？ Andy； I’ve been here watching your best friend drink for
the past two hours。 I came to see you； but you weren’t here。 And now
it’s almost midnight； and I still have essays to correct。” He said
it calmly； but I could see that he was upset。
“I know； I’m sorry about that； I really am。 You know that I would’ve
been there if I could’ve helped it at all。 You know that—”
“I do know all that。 I’m not saying you did anything wrong or that
you could’ve done anything differently。 I understand。 But try to
understand where I’m ing from； too； OK？”
I nodded and kissed him； but I felt awful。 I pledged to make it up
to him； to pick a night and plan something really special for just
the two of us。 He did； after all； put up with a lot from me。
“So； you won’t even stay over tonight？” I asked hopefully。
“Not unless you need help with Lily。 I really need to get Home and
work on those papers。” He hugged me good…bye； kissed Lily on the
cheek； and headed toward the door。 “Call me if you need me；” he said
as he walked out。
“Hey； why’d Alex leave？” Lily asked； even though she’d been sitting
there through the entire conversation。 “Is he mad at you？”
“Probably；” I sighed； hugging my ca