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turns to the British matron； for she has probably； for this occasion； draped
herself in an 〃art material；〃 … principally 〃Liberty〃 silks of dirty greens and
blues （aesthetic shades！）。 He is tempted to cry out in his disgust： 〃Oh；
Liberty！ Liberty！ How many crimes are committed in thy name！〃 It is one
of the oddest things in the world that the English should have elected to
live so much in France； for there are probably nowhere two peoples so
diametrically opposed on every point； or who so persistently and wilfully
misunderstand each other； as the English and the French。
It has been my fate to live a good deal on both sides of the Channel；
and nothing is more amusing than to hear the absurdities that are gravely
asserted by each of their neighbors。 To a Briton； a Frenchman will always
be 〃either tiger or monkey〃 according to Voltaire； while to the French
mind English gravity is only hypocrisy to cover every vice。 Nothing
pleases him so much as a great scandal in England； he will gleefully bring
you a paper containing the account of it； to prove how true is his opinion。
It is quite useless to explain to the British mind； as I have often tried to do；
that all Frenchmen do not pass their lives drinking absinthe on the
boulevards； and as Englishmen seem to leave their morals in a valise at
Dover when off for a visit to Paris； to be picked up on their return； it is
time lost to try to make a Gaul understand what good husbands and fathers
the sons of Albion are。
These two great nations seem to stand in the relation to each other that
Rome and Greece held。 The English are the conquerors of the world； and
its great colonizers； with a vast capital in which wealth and misery jostle
each other on the streets； a hideous conglomeration of buildings and
monuments； without form and void； very much as old Rome must have
been under the Caesars； enormous buildings without taste； and enormous
wealth。 The French have inherited the temperament of the Greeks。 The
drama； painting； and sculpture are the preoccupation of the people。 The
yearly exhibitions are； for a month before they open； the unique subject of
conversation in drawing…room or club。 The state protects the artist and
buys his work。 Their CONSERVATOIRES form the singers； and their
schools the painters and architects of Europe and America。
The English copy them in their big way； just as the Romans copied the
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masterpieces of Greek art； while they despised the authors。 It is rare that a
play succeeds in Paris which is not instantly translated and produced in
London； often with the adapter's name printed on the programme in place
of the author's； the French…man； who only wrote it； being ignored。 Just as
the Greeks faded away and disappeared before their Roman conquerors； it
is to be feared that in our day this people of a finer clay will succumb。 The
〃defects of their qualities〃 will be their ruin。 They will stop at home；
occupied with literature and art； perfecting their dainty cities； while their
tougher neighbors are dominating the globe； imposing their language and
customs on the conquered peoples or the earth。 One feels this on the
Riviera。 It reminds you of the cuckoo who； once installed in a robin's nest；
that seems to him convenient and warmly located in the sunshine； ends by
kicking out all the young robins。
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CHAPTER 23 … A Common
Weakness
GOVERNMENTS may change and all the conditions of life be
modified； but certain ambitions and needs of man remain immutable。
Climates； customs； centuries； have in no way diminished the craving for
consideration； the desire to be somebody； to bear some mark indicating to
the world that one is not as other men。
For centuries titles supplied the want。 This satisfaction has been denied
to us； so ambitious souls are obliged to seek other means to feed their
vanity。
Even before we were born into the world of nations； an attempt was
made amongst the aristocratically minded court surrounding our chief
magistrate； to form a society that should （without the name） be the
beginning of a class apart。
The order of the Cincinnati was to have been the nucleus of an
American nobility。 The tendencies of this society are revealed by the fact
that primogeniture was its fundamental law。 Nothing could have been
more opposed to the spirit of the age； nor more at variance with the
declaration of our independence； than the insertion of such a clause。 This
fact was discovered by the far… seeing eye of Washington； and the society
was suppressed in the hope （shared by almost all contemporaries） that
with new forms of government the nature of man would undergo a
transformation and rise above such puerile ambitions。
Time has shown the fallacy of these dreams。 All that has been
accomplished is the displacement of the objective point； the desire； the
mania for a handle to one's name is as prevalent as ever。 Leave the centres
of civilization and wander in the small towns and villages of our country。
Every other man you meet is introduced as the Colonel or the Judge； and
you will do well not to inquire too closely into the matter； nor to ask to see
the title… deeds to such distinctions。 On the other hand； to omit his prefix in
addressing one of these local magnates； would be to offend him deeply。
The women…folk were quick to borrow a little of this distinction； and in
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Washington to…day one is gravely presented to Mrs。 Senator Smith or Mrs。
Colonel Jones。 The climax being reached by one aspiring female who
styles herself on her visiting cards； 〃Mrs。 Acting…Assistant…Paymaster
Robinson。〃 If by any chance it should occur to any one to ask her motive
in sporting such an unwieldy handle； she would say that she did it
〃because one can't be going about explaining that one is not just ordinary
Mrs。 Robinson or Thompson； like the thousand others in town。〃 A woman
who cannot find an excuse for assuming such a prefix will sometime have
recourse to another stratagem； to particularize an ordinary surname。 She
remembers that her husband； who ever since he was born has been known
to everybody as Jim； is the proud possessor of the middle name Ivanhoe；
or Pericles （probably the result of a romantic mother's reading）； so one
fine day the young couple bloom out as Mr。 and Mrs。 J。 Pericles Sparks； to
the amusement of their friends； their own satisfaction； and the hopeless
confusion of their tradespeople。
Not long ago a Westerner； who went abroad with a travelling show；
was received with enthusiasm in England because it was thought 〃The
Honorable〃 which preceded his name on his cards implied that although
an American he was somehow the son of an earl。 As a matter of fact he
owed this title to having sat； many years before in the Senate of a far…
western State。 He will cling to that 〃Honorable〃 and print it on his cards
while life lasts。 I was told the other day of an American carpet warrior
who appeared at court function abroad decorated with every college badge；
and football medal in his possession； to which he added at the last moment
a brass trunk check； to complete the brilliancy of the effect。 This latter
decoration attracted the attention of the Heir Apparent； who inquired the
meaning of the mystic 〃416〃 upon it。 This would have been a 〃facer〃 to
any but a true son of Uncle Sam。 Nothing daunted； however； our
〃General〃 replied 〃That； Sir； is t