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of ourselves。
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CHAPTER 38 … A Conquest of
Europe
THE most important event in modern history is the discovery of
Europe by the Americans。 Before it； the peoples of the Old World lived
happy and contented in their own countries； practising the patriarchal
virtues handed down to them from generations of forebears； ignoring alike
the vices and benefits of modern civilization； as understood on this side of
the Atlantic。 The simple…minded Europeans remained at home； satisfied
with the rank in life where they had been born； and innocent of the ways
of the new world。
These peoples were； on the whole； not so much to be pitied； for they
had many pleasing crafts and arts unknown to the invaders； which had
enabled them to decorate their capitals with taste in a rude way； nothing
really great like the lofty buildings and elevated railway structures；
executed in American cities； but interesting as showing what an ingenious
race； deprived of the secrets of modern science； could accomplish。
The more aesthetic of the newcomers even affected to admire the
antiquated places of worship and residences they visited abroad； pointing
out to their compatriots that in many cases marble； bronze and other old…
fashioned materials had been so cleverly treated as to look almost like the
superior cast…iron employed at home； and that some of the old paintings；
preserved with veneration in the museums； had nearly the brilliancy of
modern chromos。 As their authors had； however； neglected to use a
process lending itself to rapid reproduction； they were of no practical
value。 In other ways； the continental races； when discovered； were sadly
behind the times。 In business； they ignored the use of 〃corners；〃 that
backbone of American trade； and their ideas of advertising were but little
in advance of those known among the ancient Greeks。
The discovery of Europe by the Americans was made about 1850； at
which date the first bands of adventurers crossed the seas in search of
amusement。 The reports these pioneers brought back of the NAIVETE；
politeness； and gullibility of the natives； and the cheapness of existence in
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their cities； caused a general exodus from the western to the eastern
hemisphere。 Most of the Americans who had used up their credit at home
and those whose incomes were insufficient for their wants； immediately
migrated to these happy hunting grounds； where life was inexpensive and
credit unlimited。
The first arrivals enjoyed for some twenty years unique opportunities。
They were able to live in splendor for a pittance that would barely have
kept them in necessaries on their own side of the Atlantic； and to pick up
valuable specimens of native handiwork for nominal sums。 In those happy
days； to belong to the invading race was a sufficient passport to the good
graces of the Europeans； who asked no other guarantees before trading
with the newcomers； but flocked around them； offering their services and
their primitive manufactures； convinced that Americans were all wealthy。
Alas！ History ever repeats itself。 As Mexicans and Peruvians； after
receiving their conquerors with confidence and enthusiasm； came to rue
the day they had opened their arms to strangers； so the European peoples；
before a quarter of a century was over； realized that the hordes from across
the sea who were over…running their lands； raising prices； crowding the
native students out of the schools； and finally attempting to force an
entrance into society； had little to recommend them or justify their
presence except money。 Even in this some of the intruders were
unsatisfactory。 Those who had been received into the 〃bosom〃 of hotels
often forgot to settle before departing。 The continental women who had
provided the wives of discoverers with the raiment of the country （a
luxury greatly affected by those ladies） found； to their disgust； that their
new customers were often unable or unwilling to offer any remuneration。
In consequence of these and many other disillusions； Americans began
to be called the 〃Destroyers；〃 especially when it became known that
nothing was too heavy or too bulky to be carried away by the invaders；
who tore the insides from the native houses； the paintings from the walls；
the statues from the temples； and transported this booty across the seas；
much in the same way as the Romans had plundered Greece。 Elaborate
furniture seemed especially to attract the new arrivals； who acquired vast
quantities of it。
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Here； however； the wily natives （who were beginning to appreciate
their own belongings） had revenge。 Immense quantities of worthless
imitations were secretly manufactured and sold to the travellers at
fabulous prices。 The same artifice was used with paintings； said to be by
great masters； and with imitations of old stuffs and bric… a…brac； which the
ignorant and arrogant invaders pretended to appreciate and collect。
Previous to our arrival there had been an invasion of the Continent by
the English about the year 1812。 One of their historians； called Thackeray；
gives an amusing account of this in the opening chapters of his 〃Shabby
Genteel Story。〃 That event； however； was unimportant in comparison with
the great American movement； although both were characterized by the
same total disregard of the feelings and prejudices of indigenous
populations。 The English then walked about the continental churches
during divine service； gazing at the pictures and consulting their guide…
books as unconcernedly as our compatriots do to…day。 They also crowded
into theatres and concert halls； and afterwards wrote to the newspapers
complaining of the bad atmosphere of those primitive establishments and
of the long ENTR'ACTES。
As long as the invaders confined themselves to such trifles； the patient
foreigners submitted to their overbearing and uncouth ways because of the
supposed benefit to trade。 The natives even went so far as to build hotels
for the accommodation and delight of the invaders； abandoning whole
quarters to their guests。
There was； however； a point at which complacency stopped。 The older
civilizations had formed among themselves restricted and exclusive
societies； to which access was almost impossible to strangers。 These
sanctuaries tempted the immigrants； who offered their fairest virgins and
much treasure for the privilege of admission。 The indigenous aristocrats；
who were mostly poor； yielded to these offers and a few Americans
succeeded in forcing an entrance。 But the old nobility soon became
frightened at the number and vulgarity of the invaders； and withdrew
severely into their shells； refusing to accept any further bribes either in the
form of females or finance。
From this moment dates the humiliation of the discoverers。 All their
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booty and plunder seemed worthless in comparison with the Elysian
delights they imagined were concealed behind the closed doors of those
holy places； visions of which tortured the women from the western
hemisphere and prevented their taking any pleasure in other victories。 To
be received into those inner circles became their chief ambition。 With this
end in view they dressed themselves in expensive costumes； took the
trouble to learn the 〃lingo〃 spoken in the country； went to the extremity of
copying th