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Of course we recovered from our unexpected shame; and the tale of the
table and the dancing plates was not told as a sad one。 But it is a sad
one when you think of it。
I was not there to see Lin get his bride。 I learned from the Virginian
how the victorious puncher had ridden away across the sunny sagebrush;
bearing the biscuit…shooter with him to the nearest justice of the peace。
She was astride the horse he had brought for her。
〃Yes; he beat Tommy;〃 said the Virginian。 〃Some folks; anyway; get what
they want in this hyeh world。〃
From which I inferred that Miss Molly Wood was harder to beat than Tommy。
LIN McLEAN'S HONEY…MOON
Rain had not fallen for some sixty days; and for some sixty more there
was no necessity that it should fall。 It is spells of weather like this
that set the Western editor writing praise and prophecy of the boundless
fertility of the soilwhen irrigated; and of what an Eden it can be
madewith irrigation; but the spells annoy the people who are trying to
raise the Eden。 We always told the transient Eastern visitor; when he
arrived at Cheyenne and criticised the desert; that anything would grow
herewith irrigation; and sometimes he replied; unsympathetically; that
anything could flywith wings。 Then we would lead such a man out and
show him six; eight; ten square miles of green crops; and he; if he was
thoroughly nasty; would mention that Wyoming contained ninety…five
thousand square miles; all waiting for irrigation and Eden。 One of these
Eastern supercivilized hostiles from New York was breakfasting with the
Governor and me at the Cheyenne Club; and we were explaining to him the
glorious future; the coming empire; of the Western country。 Now the
Governor was about thirty…two; and until twenty…five had never gone West
far enough to see over the top of the Alleghany Mountains。 I was not a
pioneer myself; and why both of us should have pitied the New…Yorker's
narrowness so hard I cannot see。 But we did。 We spoke to him of the size
of the country。 We told him that his State could rattle round inside
Wyoming's stomach without any inconvenience to Wyoming; and he told us
that this was because Wyoming's stomach was empty。 Altogether I began to
feel almost sorry that I had asked him to come out for a hunt; and had
travelled in haste all the way from Bear Creek to Cheyenne expressly to
meet him。
〃For purposes of amusement;〃 he said; 〃I'll admit anything you claim for
this place。 Ranches; cowboys; elk; it's all splendid。 Only; as an
investment I prefer the East。 Am I to see any cowboys?〃
〃You shall;〃 I said; and I distinctly hoped some of them might do
something to him 〃for purposes of amusement。〃
〃You fellows come up with me to my office;〃 said the Governor。 〃I'll look
at my mail; and show you round。〃 So we went with him through the heat and
sun。
〃What's that?〃 inquired the New…Yorker; whom I shall call James Ogden。
〃That is our park;〃 said I。 〃Of course it's merely in embryo。 It's
wonderful how quickly any shade tree will grow here wi〃 I checked
myself。
But Ogden said 〃with irrigation〃 for me; and I was entirely sorry he had
come。
We reached the Governor's office; and sat down while he looked his
letters over。
〃Here you are; Ogden;〃 said he。 〃Here's the way we hump ahead out here。〃
And he read us the following:
〃MAGAW; KANSAS; July 5; 188
〃Hon。 Amory W。 Baker:
〃Sir;Understanding that your district is suffering from a prolonged
drought; I write to say that for necessary expenses paid I will be glad
to furnish you with a reasonably shower。 I have operated successfully in
Australia; Mexico; and several States of the Union; and am anxious to
exhibit my system。 If your Legislature will appropriate a sum to cover;
as I said; merely my necessary expensessay 350 (three hundred and
fifty dollars)for half an inch I will guarantee you that quantity of
rain or forfeit the money。 If I fail to give you the smallest fraction of
the amount contracted for; there is to be no pay。 Kindly advise me of
what date will be most convenient for you to have the shower。 I require
twenty…four hours' preparation。 Hoping a favorable reply;
〃I am; respectfully yours;
〃Robert Hilbrun〃
〃Will the Legislature do it?〃 inquired Ogden in good faith。
The Governor laughed boisterously。 〃I guess it wouldn't be
constitutional;〃 said he。
〃Oh; bother!〃 said Ogden。
〃My dear man;〃 the Governor protested; 〃I know we're new; and our women
vote; and we're a good deal of a joke; but we're not so progressively
funny as all that。 The people wouldn't stand it。 Senator Warren would fly
right into my back hair。〃 Barker was also new as Governor。
〃Do you have Senators here too?〃 said Ogden; raising his eyebrows。 〃What
do they look like? Are they females?〃 And the Governor grew more
boisterous than ever; slapping his knee and declaring that these Eastern
men were certainly out of sight。〃 Ogden; however; was thoughtful。
〃I'd have been willing to chip in for that rain myself;〃 he said。
〃That's an idea!〃 cried the Governor。 〃Nothing unconstitutional about
that。 Let's see。 Three hundred and fifty dollars〃
〃I'll put up a hundred;〃 said Ogden; promptly。 〃I'm out for a Western
vacation; and I'll pay for a good specimen。〃
The Governor and I subscribed more modestly; and by noon; with the help
of some lively minded gentlemen of Cheyenne; we had the purse raised。 〃He
won't care;〃 said the Governor; 〃whether it's a private enterprise or a
municipal step; so long as he gets his money。〃
〃He won't get it; I'm afraid;〃 said Ogden。 〃But if he succeeds in
tempting Providence to that extent; I consider it cheap。 Now what do you
call those people there on the horses?〃
We were walking along the track of the Cheyenne and Northern; and looking
out over the plain toward Fort Russell。 〃That is a cow…puncher and his
bride;〃 I answered; recognizing the couple。
〃Real cow…puncher?〃
〃Quite。 The puncher's name is Lin McLean。〃
〃Real bride?〃
〃I'm afraid so。〃
〃She's riding straddle!〃 exclaimed the delighted Ogden; adjusting his
glasses。 〃Why do you object to their union being holy?〃
I explained that my friend Lin had lately married an eating…house lady
precipitately and against my advice。
〃I suppose he knew his business;〃 observed Ogden。
〃That's what he said to me at the time。 But you ought to see herand
know him。〃
Ogden was going to。 Husband and wife were coming our way。 Husband nodded
to me his familiar offish nod; which concealed his satisfaction at
meeting with an old friend。 Wife did not look at me at all。 But I looked
at her; and I instantly knew that Linthe fool!had confided to her my
disapproval of their marriage。 The most delicate specialty upon earth is
your standing with your old friend's new wife。
〃Good…day; Mr。 McLean;〃 said the Governor to the cow…puncher on his
horse。
〃How're are yu'; doctor;〃 said Lin。 During his early days in Wyoming the
Governor; when as yet a private citizen; had set Mr。 McLean's broken leg
at Drybone。 〃Let me make yu' known to Mrs。 McLean;〃 pursued the husband。
The lady; at a loss how convention prescribes the greeting of a bride to
a Governor; gave a waddle on the pony's back; then sat up stiff; gazed
haughtily at the air; and did not speak or show any more sign than a cow
would under like circumstances。 So the Governor marched cheerfully at
her; extending his hand; and when she slightly moved out toward him her
big; dumb; red fist; he took it and shook it; and made her a series of
compliments; she maintaining always the scrupulous reserve of the cow。
〃I say;〃 Ogden whispered to me while Barker was pumping the hand of the
flesh image; 〃I'm glad I came。〃 The appearance of the puncher…bridegroom
also interested Ogden; and he looked hard at Lin's leather chaps and
cartridge…belt and so forth。 Lin stared at the New…Yorker; and his high
white collar and good scarf。 He had seen such things quite often; of
course; but they always filled him with the same distrust of the man that
wore them。
〃Well;〃 said he; 〃I guess we'll be pulling for a hotel。 Any show in town?
Circus come yet?〃
〃No;〃 said I。 〃Are you going to make a long stay?〃
The cow…puncher glanced at the image; his bride of three weeks。 〃Till
we're tired of it; I guess;〃 said he; with hesitation。 It was the first
time that I had ever seen my gay friend look timidly at any one; and I
felt a rising hate for the ruby…checked; large…eyed eating…house lady;
the biscuit…shooter whose influence was dimming this jaunty;
irrepressible spirit。 I looked at her。 Her bulky bloom had ensnared him;
and now she was going to tame and spoil him。 The Governor was looking at
her too; thoughtfully。
〃Say; Lin;〃 I said; 〃if you stay here long enough you'll