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if they faile of； either it is by unfortunate marriage； or some
imperfection depending on nature； not through want of good will in
themselves。 Wee have nothing in this World but what is given us； in
which regard； wee are to make use of our time； and employ it the
better while wee have it。 For； when wee grow to bee old； our Husbands；
yea； our very dearest and nearest Friends； will scarsely looke on
us。 Wee are then fit for nothing； but to sit by the fire in the
Kitchin； telling tales to the Cat； or counting the Pots and Pannes
on the shelves。 Nay； which is worse； Rimes and Songs is made of us；
even in meere contempt of our age； and commendation of such as are
young； the daintiest morsels are fittest for them； and wee referred to
feed on the scrappes from their Trenchers； or such reversion as they
can spare us。 I tell thee Daughter； thou couldst not make choyce of
a meeter woman in all the City； to whom thou mightest safely open
thy minde； and knowes better to advise thee then I doe。 But remember
withall； that I am poore； and it is your part not to suffer poverty to
bee unsupplyed。 I will make thee partaker of all these blessed
pardons； at every Altar I will say a Pater Noster； and an Ave Maria；
that thou maist prosper in thy hearts desires； and be defended from
foule sinne and shame； and so she ended her Motherly counsell。
Within a while after； it came to passe； that her Husband was invited
foorth to supper； with one named Herculano； a kinde Friend of his； but
his Wife refused to goe； because she had appointed a Friend to
Supper with her； to whom the old woman was employed as her
messenger； and was well recompenced for her labour。 This friend was
a gallant proper youth； as any all Perugia yeelded； and scarcely was
hee seated at the Table； but her Husband was returned backe； and
called to bee let in at the doore。 Which when shee perceived； she
was almost halfe dead with feare； and coveting to hide the young
man； that her Husband should not have any sight of him； shee had no
other meanes； but in an entry； hard by the Parlour where they purposed
to have supt； stood a Coope or Hen…pen； wherein shee used to keepe her
Pullen； under which hee crept； and then shee covered it with an olde
empty Sacke； and after ranne ranne to let her Husband come in。 When
hee was entred into the House； as halfe offended at his so sudden
returne； angerly she saide： It seemes Sir you are a shaver at your
meate； that you have made so short a Supper。 In troth Wife （quoth hee）
I have not supt at all； no not so much as eaten one bit。 How hapned
that； said the woman？ Marry Wife （quoth hee） I will tell you； and then
thus he began。
As Herculano； his Wife； and I were sitting downe at the Table；
very neere unto us wee heard one sneeze； whereof at the first wee made
no reckoning； untill wee heard it againe the second time； yeal a
third； fourth； and fifth； and many more after； whereat wee were not
a little amazed。 Now Wife I must tell you； before wee entred the roome
where we were to sup； Herculanoes Wife kept the doore fast shut
against us； and would not let us enter in an indifferent while；
which made him then somewhat offended； but now much more； when hee had
heard one to sneeze so often。 Demaunded of her a reason for it； and
who it was that thus sneezed in his House： hee started from the Table；
and stepping to a little doore neere the staires head； necessarily
made； to set such things in； as otherwise would be troublesome to
the roome； （as in all Houses we commonly see the like） he perceived；
that the party was hidden there； which wee had heard so often to
sneeze before。
No sooner had hee opened the doore； but stich a smell of brimstone
came foorth （whereof wee felt not the least savour before） as made
us likewise to cough and sneeze； being no way able to refraine it。
Shee seeing her Husband to bee much moved； excused the matter thus：
that （but a little while before） shee had whited certaine linnen
with the smoake of brimstone； as it is a usuall thing to doe； and then
set the Pan into that spare place； because it should not bee offensive
to us。 By this time； Herculano had espied him that sneezed； who
being almost stifled with the smell； and closenesse of the small roome
wherein hee lay； had not any power to helpe himselfe； but still
continued coughing and sneezing； even as if his heart would have split
in twaine。 Foorth hee pluckt him by the heeles； and perceiving how
matter had past； hee saide to her。 I thanke you Wife now I see the
reason； why you kept us so long from comming into this roome： let
mee die； if I beare this wrong at your hands。 When his Wife heard
these words； and saw the discovery of her shame； without returning
either excuse or answere； foorth of doores shee ranne； but whither；
wee know not。 Herculano drew his Dagger； and would have slaine him
that still lay sneezing： but I disswaded him from it； as well in
respect of his； as also mine owne danger； when the Law should
censure on the deede。 And after the young man was indifferently
recovered； by the perswasion of some Neighbours comming in： hee was
closely conveyed out of the House； and all the noyse quietly pacified。
Onely （by this meanes； and the flight of Herculanoes Wife） wee were
disappointed of our Supper； and now you know the reason of my so soone
returning。
When shee had heard this whole discourse； then shee perceived；
that other Women were subject to the like infirmitie； and as wise
for themselves； as shee could be； though these the like sinister
accidents might sometime crosse them： and gladly shee wished； that
Herculanoes Wives excuse； might now serve to acquite her： but
because in blaming others errours； our owne may sometime chance to
escape discovery； and cleare us； albeit wee are as guilty； in a sharpe
reprehending manner； thus shee began。 See Husband； heere is hansome
behaviour； of an holy faire…seeming； and Saint…like woman； to whom I
durst have confest my sinnes； I conceived such a religious
perswasion of her lives integrety； free from the least scruple of
taxation。 A woman； so farre stept into yeeres； as shee is； to give
such an evill example to younger women； is it not a sinne beyond all
sufferance？ Accursed be the houre； when she was borne into this World；
and her selfe likewise； to bee so lewdly and incontinently given； an
universall shame and slaunder； to all the good women of our City。
Shall I tearme her a woman； or rather some savage monster in a
womans shape？ Hath shee not made an open prostitution of her
honesty； broken her plighted faith to her Husband； and all the womanly
reputation shee had in this World？ Her Husband； being an honourable
Citizen； entreating her alwayes； as few men else in the City doe their
wives； what an heart…breake must this needes bee to him； good man？
Neither I； nor any honest man else； ought to have any pity on her； but
（with our owne hands） teare her in peeces； or dragge her along to a
good fire in the Market place； wherein she and her minion should be
consumed together； and their base ashes dispersed abroad in the winde；
least the pure Aire should be infected with them。
Then； remembring her owne case； and her poore affrighted friend； who
lay in such distresse under the Hen…coope； she began to advise her
Husband； that he would be pleased to go to bed； because the night
passed on apace。 But Pedro； having a better will to eate； then to
sleepe； desired her to let him have some meate； else hee must goe to
bed with an empty bellie； whereto shee answered。 Why Husband （quoth
shee） doe I make any large provision； when I am de。 bard of your
company？ I would I were the Wife of Herculano； seeing you cannot
content your selfe from one nights feeding； considering； it is now
over…late to make any thing ready。
It fortuned； that certaine Husbandmen； which had the charge of
Pedroes Farmehouse in the Countrey； and there followed his affaires of
Husbandry； were returned home this instant night； having their Asses
laden with such provision； as was to bee used in his City…house。
When the Asses were unladen； and set up in a small Stable； without
watering； one off them being （belike） more thirsty then the rest；
brake loose； and wandering all about smelling to seeke water； happened
into the entry； where the young man lay hidden under the Hen pen。 Now；
hee being constrained （like a Carpe） to lye flat on his belly； because
the Coope was over…weighty for him to carry； and one of his hands more
extended foorth； then was requisite for him in so urgent a shift： it
was his hap （or ill fortune rather） that the Asse set his foote on the
young mans fingers； treading so hard； and the paine being very
irkesome to him； as hee was enforced to cry out aloude： which Pedro
hearing； he wondered thereat not a little。
Knowing that this cry was in his house； hee tooke the Candle in
his hand； and going foorth of the Parlour； heard the cry to be louder；
because the Asse removed not his foote； but rather trod the more
firmely on his hand。 Comming to the Coope； driving the Asse； and
taking off the old sacke； he espyed the young man； who； beside the
painefull anguish he felt of his fingers； arose up trembling； as
fearing some outrage beside to bee off