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Some Roundabout Papers
Some Roundabout
Papers
by Thackeray
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Some Roundabout Papers
ON SOME CARP AT SANS
SOUCI
We have lately made the acquaintance of an old lady of ninety； who
has passed the last twenty…five years of her old life in a great metropolitan
establishment； the workhouse； namely； of the parish of Saint Lazarus。
Stay twenty…three or four years ago； she came out once； and thought to
earn a little money by hop… picking； but being overworked； and having
to lie out at night； she got a palsy which has incapacitated her from all
further labour； and has caused her poor old limbs to shake ever since。
An illustration of that dismal proverb which tells us how poverty
makes us acquainted with strange bed…fellows； this poor old shaking body
has to lay herself down every night in her workhouse bed by the side of
some other old woman with whom she may or may not agree。 She
herself can't be a very pleasant bed…fellow； poor thing！ with her shaking
old limbs and cold feet。 She lies awake a deal of the night； to be sure； not
thinking of happy old times； for hers never were happy； but sleepless
with aches； and agues； and rheumatism of old age。 〃The gentleman gave
me brandy…and… water；〃 she said； her old voice shaking with rapture at the
thought。 I never had a great love for Queen Charlotte； but I like her
better now from what this old lady told me。 The Queen； who loved snuff
herself； has left a legacy of snuff to certain poorhouses； and； in her
watchful nights； this old woman takes a pinch of Queen Charlotte's snuff；
〃and it do comfort me； sir； that it do！〃 Pulveris exigui munus。 Here is a
forlorn aged creature； shaking with palsy； with no soul among the great
struggling multitude of mankind to care for her； not quite trampled out of
life； but past and forgotten in the rush； made a little happy； and soothed in
her hours of unrest by this penny legacy。 Let me think as I write。 （The
next month's sermon； thank goodness！ is safe to press。） This discourse
will appear at the season when I have read that wassail…bowls make their
appearance； at the season of pantomime； turkey and sausages； plum…
puddings； jollifications for schoolboys； Christmas bills； and
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Some Roundabout Papers
reminiscences more or less sad and sweet for elders。 If we oldsters are
not merry； we shall be having a semblance of merriment。 We shall see
the young folks laughing round the holly…bush。 We shall pass the bottle
round cosily as we sit by the fire。 That old thing will have a sort of
festival too。 Beef； beer； and pudding will be served to her for that day also。
Christmas falls on a Thursday。 Friday is the workhouse day for coming
out。 Mary； remember that old Goody Twoshoes has her invitation for
Friday； 26th December！ Ninety is she； poor old soul？ Ah！ what a
bonny face to catch under a mistletoe！ 〃Yes； ninety； sir；〃 she says； 〃and
my mother was a hundred； and my grandmother was a hundred and two。〃
Herself ninety； her mother a hundred； her grandmother a hundred and
two？ What a queer calculation！
Ninety！ Very good； granny： you were born； then； in 1772。
Your mother； we will say； was twenty…seven when you were born； and
was born therefore in 1745。
Your grandmother was thirty…five when her daughter was born； and
was born therefore in 1710。
We will begin with the present granny first。 My good old creature；
you can't of course remember； but that little gentleman for whom you
mother was laundress in the Temple was the ingenious Mr Goldsmith；
author of a 〃History of England；〃 the 〃Vicar of Wakefield；〃 and many
diverting pieces。 You were brought almost an infant to his chambers in
Brick Court； and he gave you some sugar…candy； for the doctor was always
good to children。 That gentleman who well…nigh smothered you by
sitting down on you as you lay in a chair asleep was the learned Mr S。
Johnson； whose history of 〃Rasselas〃 you have never read； my pour soul；
and whose tragedy of 〃Irene〃 I don't believe any man in these kingdoms
ever perused。 That tipsy Scotch gentleman who used to come to the
chambers sometimes； and at whom everybody laughed； wrote a more
amusing book than any of the scholars； your Mr Burke and your Mr
Johnson； and your Dr Goldsmith。 Your father often took him home in a
chair to his lodgings； and has done as much for Parson Sterne in Bond
Street； the famous wit。 Of course； my good creature； you remember the
Gordon Riots； and crying No Popery before Mr Langdale's house； the
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Popish distiller's； and that bonny fire of my Lord Mansfield's books in
Bloomsbury Square？ Bless us； what a heap of illuminations you have
seen！ For the glorious victory over the Americans at Breed's Hill； for the
peace in 1814； and the beautiful Chinese bridge in St James's Park； for
the coronation of his Majesty； whom you recollect as Prince of Wales；
Goody； don't you？ Yes； and you went in a procession of laundresses to
pay your respects to his good lady； the injured Queen of England； at
Brandenburg House； and you remember your mother told you how she
was taken to see the Scotch lords executed at the Tower。 And as for your
grandmother； she was born five months after the battle of Malplaquet； she
was； where her poor father was killed； fighting like a bold Briton for the
Queen。 With the help of a 〃Wade's Chronology；〃 I can make out ever so
queer a history for you； my poor old body； and a pedigree as authentic as
many in the peerage…books。
Peerage…books and pedigrees？ What does she know about them？
Battles and victories； treasons； kings； and beheadings； literary gentlemen；
and the like； what have they ever been to her？ Granny； did you ever hear
of General Wolfe？ Your mother may have seen him embark； and your
father may have carried a musket under him。 Your grandmother may
have cried huzza for Marlborough； but what is the Prince Duke to you；
and did you ever so much as hear tell of his name？ How many hundred
or thousand of years had that toad lived who was in the coal at the defunct
exhibition？ and yet he was not a bit better informed than toads seven or
eight hundred years younger。
〃Don't talk to me your nonsense about Exhibitions； and Prince Dukes；
and toads in coals； or coals in toads； or what is it？〃 says granny。 〃I know
there was a good Queen Charlotte； for she left me snuff； and it comforts
me of a night when I lie awake。〃
To me there is something very touching in the notion of that little
pinch of comfort doled out to granny； and gratefully inhaled by her in the
darkness。 Don't you remember what traditions there used to be of chests
of plate； bulses of diamonds； laces of inestimable value； sent out of the
country privately by the old Queen； to enrich certain relatives in M…ckl…
nb…rg Str…l…tz？ Not all the treasure went。 Non omnis moritur。 A poor
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old palsied thing at midnight is made happy sometimes as she lifts her
shaking old hand to her nose。 Gliding noiselessly among the beds where
lie the poor creatures huddled in their cheerless dormitory； I fancy an old
ghost with a snuff…box that does not creak。 〃There； Goody； t