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ghost with a snuff…box that does not creak。 〃There； Goody； take of my
rappee。 You will not sneeze； and I shall not say 'God bless you。' But
you will think kindly of old Queen Charlotte； won't you？ Ah！ I had a
many troubles； a many troubles。 I was a prisoner almost so much as you
are。 I had to eat boiled mutton every day： entre nous； I abominated it。
But I never complained。 I swallowed it。 I made the best of a hard life。
We have all our burdens to bear。 But hark！ I hear the cock…crow； and
snuff the morning air。〃 And with this the royal ghost vanishes up the
chimney if there be a chimney in that dismal harem； where poor old
Twoshoes and her companions pass their nights their dreary nights； their
restless nights； their cold long nights； shared in what glum companionship；
illumined by what a feeble taper！
〃Did I understand you； my good Twoshoes； to say that your mother
was seven…and…twenty years old when you were born； and that she married
your esteemed father when she herself was twenty…five？ 1745； then； was
the date of your dear mother's birth。 I daresay her father was absent in
the Low Countries； with his Royal Highness the Duke of Cumberland；
under whom he had the honour of carrying a halberd at the famous
engagement of Fontenoy or if not there； he may have been at Preston
Pans； under General Sir John Cope； when the wild Highlanders broke
through all the laws of discipline and the English lines； and； being on the
spot； did he see the famous ghost which didn't appear to Colonel Gardner
of the Dragoons？ My good creature； is it possible you don't remember
that Doctor Swift； Sir Robert Walpole （my Lord Orford； as you justly say）；
old Sarah Marlborough； and little Mr Pope； of Twitnam； died in the year of
your birth？ What a wretched memory you have！ What？ haven't they a
library； and the commonest books of reference at the old convent of Saint
Lazarus； where you dwell？〃
〃Convent of Saint Lazarus； Prince William； Dr Swift； Atossa； and Mr
Pope； of Twitnam！ What is the gentleman talking about？〃 says old goody；
with a 〃Ho！ ho！〃 and a laugh like a old parrot you know they live to be
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as old as Methuselah； parrots do； and a parrot of a hundred is
comparatively young （ho！ ho！ ho！）。 Yes； and likewise carps live to an
immense old age。 Some which Frederick the Great fed at Sans Souci are
there now； with great humps of blue mould on their old backs； and they
could tell all sorts of queer stories； if they chose to speak but they are
very silent； carps are of their nature peu communicatives。 Oh！ what has
been thy long life； old goody； but a dole of bread and water and a perch on
a cage； a dreary swim round and round a Lethe of a pond？ What are
Rossbach or Jena to those mouldy ones； and do they know it is a
grandchild of England who brings bread to feed them？
No！ Those Sans Souci carps may live to be a thousand years old and
have nothing to tell but that one day is like another； and the history of
friend Goody Twoshoes has not much more variety than theirs。 Hard
labour； hard fare； hard bed； numbing cold all night； and gnawing hunger
most days。 That is her lot。 Is it lawful in my prayers to say； 〃Thank
heaven； I am not as one of these〃？ If I were eighty； would I like to feel
the hunger always gnawing； gnawing？ to have to get up and make a bow
when Mr Bumble the beadle entered the common room？ to have to listen
to Miss Prim； who came to give me her ideas of the next world？ If I
were eighty； I own I should not like to have to sleep with another
gentleman of my own age； gouty； a bad sleeper； kicking in his old dreams；
and snoring； to march down my vale of years at word of command；
accommodating my tottering old steps to those of the other prisoners in
my dingy； hopeless old gang； to hold out a trembling hand for a sickly
pittance of gruel； and say； 〃Thank you； ma'am；〃 to Miss Prim； when she
has done reading her sermon。 John！ when Goody Twoshoes comes next
Friday； I desire she may not be disturbed by theological controversies。
You have a fair voice； and I heard you and the maids singing a hymn very
sweetly the other night； and was thankful that our humble household
should be in such harmony。 Poor old Twoshoes is so old and toothless
and quaky； that she can't sing a bit； but don't be giving yourself airs over
her； because she can't sing and you can。 Make her comfortable at our
kitchen hearth。 Set that old kettle to sing by our hob。 Warm her old
stomach with nut…brown ale and a toast laid in the fire。 Be kind to the
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poor old school…girl of ninety； who has had leave to come out for a day of
Christmas holiday。 Shall there be many more Christmases for thee？
Think of the ninety she has seen already； the fourscore and ten cold；
cheerless； nipping New Years！
If you were in her place； would you like to have a remembrance of
better early days； when you were young and happy； and loving； perhaps；
or would you prefer to have no past on which your mind could rest？
About the year 1788； Goody； were your cheeks rosy； and your eyes bright；
and did some young fellow in powder and a pigtail look in them？ We
may grow old； but to us some stories never are old。 On a sudden they
rise up； not dead； but living not forgotten； but freshly remembered。
The eyes gleam on us as they used to do。 The dear voice thrills in our
hearts。 The rapture of the meeting； the terrible； terrible parting； again and
again the tragedy is acted over。 Yesterday； in the street； I saw a pair of
eyes so like two which used to brighten at my coming once； that the whole
past came back as I walked lonely； in the rush of the Strand； and I was
young again in the midst of joys and sorrows； alike sweet and sad； alike
sacred and fondly remembered。
If I tell a tale out of school； will any harm come to my old school…girl？
Once； a lady gave her a half…sovereign； which was a source of great pain
and anxiety to Goody Twoshoes。 She sewed it away in her old stays
somewhere； thinking here at least was a safe investment （vestis a vest
an investment； pardon me； thou poor old thing； but I cannot help the
pleasantry）。 And what do you think？ Another pensionnaire of the
establishment cut the coin out of Goody's stays an old woman who went
upon two crutches！ Faugh； the old witch！ What？ Violence amongst
these toothless； tottering； trembling； feeble ones？ Robbery amongst the
penniless？ Dogs coming and snatching Lazarus's crumbs out of his lap？
Ah； how indignant Goody was as she told the story！ To that pond at
Potsdam where the carps live for hundreds of hundreds of years； with
hunches of blue mould on their back； I daresay the little Prince and
Princess of Preussen…Britannien come sometimes with crumbs and cakes
to feed the mouldy ones。 Those eyes may have goggled from beneath the
weeds at Napoleon's jack…boots： they have seen Frederick's lean shanks
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reflected in their pool； and perhaps Monsieur de Voltaire has fed them；
and now for a crumb of biscuit they will fight； push； hustle； rob； squabble；
gobble； relapsing into their tranquillity when the ignoble struggle is over。
Sans souci； indeed！ It is mighty well writing 〃Sans souci〃 over the gate；
but where is the gate through which Care has not slipped？ She perches
on the shoulders of the sentry i