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but where is the gate through which Care has not slipped？ She perches
on the shoulders of the sentry in the sentry…box： she whispers the porter
sleeping in his arm…chair： she glides up the staircase； and lies down
between the king and queen in their bed…royal： this very night I daresay
she will perch upon poor old Goody Twoshoes' meagre bolster； and
whisper； 〃Will the gentleman and those ladies ask me again！ No； no；
they will forget poor old Twoshoes。〃 Goody！ For shame of yourself！
Do not be cynical。 Do not mistrust your fellow…creatures。 What？ Has
the Christmas morning dawned upon thee ninety times？ For four…score
and ten years has it been thy lot to totter on this earth； hungry and obscure？
Peace and goodwill to thee； let us say at this Christmas season。 Come；
drink； eat； rest awhile at our hearth； thou poor old pilgrim！ And of the
bread which God's bounty gives us； I pray； brother reader； we may not
forget to set aside a part for those noble and silent poor； from whose
innocent hands war has torn the means of labour。 Enough！ As I hope
for beef at Christmas； I vow a note shall be sent to Saint Lazarus Union
House； in which Mr Roundabout requests the honour of Mrs Twoshoes'
company on Friday； 26th December。
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DE JUVENTUTE
We who lived before railways； and survive out of the ancient world；
are like Father Noah and his family out of the Ark。 The children will
gather round and say to us patriarchs； 〃Tell us； grandpapa； about the old
world。〃 And we shall mumble our old stories； and we shall drop off
one by one； and there will be fewer and fewer of us； and these very old
and feeble。 There will be but ten prae…railroadites left： then three
then two then one then 0！ If the hippopotamus had the least
sensibility （of which I cannot trace any signs either in his hide or his face）；
I think he would go down to the bottom of his tank； and never come up
again。 Does he not see that he belongs to bygone ages； and that his great
hulking barrel of a body is out of place in these times？ What has he in
common with the brisk young life surrounding him？ In the watches of
the night； when the keepers are asleep； when the birds are on one leg；
when even the little armadillo is quiet； and the monkeys have ceased their
chatter； he I mean the hippopotamus and the elephant； and the long…
necked giraffe； perhaps may lay their heads together and have a colloquy
about the great silent antediluvian world which they remember； where
mighty monsters floundered through the ooze； crocodiles basked on the
banks； and dragons darted out of the caves and waters before men were
made to slay them。 We who lived before railways are antediluvians we
must pass away。 We are growing scarcer every day； and old old
very old relicts of the times when George was still fighting the Dragon。
Not long since； a company of horseriders paid a visit to our watering…
place。 We went to see them； and I bethought me that young Walter
Juvenis； who was in the place； might like also to witness the performance。
A pantomime is not always amusing to persons who have attained a
certain age； but a boy at a pantomime is always amused and amusing；
and to see his pleasure is good for most hypochondriacs。
We sent to Walter's mother； requesting that he might join us； and the
kind lady replied that the boy had already been at the morning
performance of the equestrians； but was most eager to go in the evening
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likewise。 And go he did； and laughed at all Mr Merryman's remarks；
though he remembered them with remarkable accuracy； and insisted upon
waiting to the very end of the fun； and was only induced to retire just
before its conclusion by representations that the ladies of the party would
be incommoded if they were to wait and undergo the rush and trample of
the crowd round about。 When this fact was pointed out to him； he
yielded at once； though with a heavy heart； his eyes looking longingly
towards the ring as we retreated out of the booth。 We were scarcely clear
of the place； when we heard 〃God save the Queen；〃 played by the
equestrian band； the signal that all was over。 Our companion entertained
us with scraps of the dialogue on our way home precious crumbs of wit
which he had brought away from that feast。 He laughed over them again
as he walked under the stars。 He has them now； and takes them out of the
pocket of his memory； and crunches a bit； and relishes it with a
sentimental tenderness； too； for he is； no doubt； back at school by this time；
the holidays are over； and Doctor Birch's young friends have
reassembled。
Queer jokes； which caused a thousand simple mouths to grin！ As the
jaded Merryman uttered them to the old gentleman with the whip； some of
the old folks in the audience； I daresay； indulged in reflections of their
own。 There was one joke I utterly forget it but it began with
Merryman saying what he had for dinner。 He had mutton for dinner； at
one o'clock； after which 〃he had to come to business。〃 And then came
the point。 Walter Juvenis； Esq。； Rev。 Doctor Birch's； Market Rodborough；
if you read this； will you please send me a line； and let me know what was
the joke Mr Merryman made about having his dinner？ You remember
well enough。 But do I want to know？ Suppose a boy takes a favourite；
long…cherished lump of cake out of his pocket； and offers you a bit？
Merci！ The fact is； I don't care much about knowing that joke of Mr
Merryman's。
But whilst he was talking about his dinner； and his mutton； and his
landlord； and his business； I felt a great interest about Mr M。 in private life
about his wife； lodgings； earnings； and general history； and I daresay
was forming a picture of those in my mind： wife cooking the mutton；
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children waiting for it； Merryman in his plain clothes； and so forth；
during which contemplation the joke was uttered and laughed at； and Mr
M。； resuming his professional duties； was tumbling over head and heels。
Do not suppose I am going； sicut est mos； to indulge in moralities about
buffoons； paint； motley； and mountebanking。 Nay； Prime Ministers
rehearse their jokes； Opposition leaders prepare and polish them：
Tabernacle preachers must arrange them in their minds before they utter
them。 All I mean is； that I would like to know any one of these
performers thoroughly； and out of his uniform： that preacher； and why in
his travels this and that point struck him； wherein lies his power of
pathos； humour； eloquence； that Minister of State； and what moves
him； and how his private heart is working； I would only say that； at a
certain time of life certain things cease to interest： but about some things
when we cease to care； what will be the use of life； sight； hearing？
Poems are written； and we cease to admire。 Lady Jones invites us； and
we yawn； she ceases to invite us； and we are resigned。 The last time I
saw a ballet at the opera oh！ it is many years ago I fell asleep in the
stalls； wagging my head in insane dreams； and I hope affording
amusement to the com