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sed to call 〃mother。鈥�
i tell myself time and again to overlook mothers bad example。 i only want to see her good points； and to look inside myself for whats lacking in her。 but it doesnt work； and the worst part is that father and mother dont realize their own inadequacies and how much i blame them for letting me down。 are there any parents who can make
their children pletely happy？
sometimes i think god is trying to test me； both now and in the future。 ill have to bee a good person on my own； without anyone to serve as a model or advise me； but itll make me stronger in the end。
who else but me is ever going to read these letters？ who else but me can i turn to for fort？ im frequently in need of consolation； i often feel weak； and more often than not； i fail to meet expectations。 i know this； and every day i resolve to do better。
they arent consistent in their treatment of me。 one day they say that annes a sensible girl and entitled to know everything； and the next that annes a silly goose who doesnt know a thing and yet imagines shes learned all she needs to know from books！ im no longer the baby and spoiled little darling whose every deed can be laughed at。 i have my own ideas； plans and ideals； but am unable to articulate them yet。
oh well。 so much es into my head at night when im alone； or during the day when im obliged to put up with people i cant abide or who invariably misinterpret my intentions。 thats why i always wind up ing back to my diary i start there and end there because kittys always patient。 i promise her that； despite everything； ill keep going； that ill find my own way and choke back my tears。 i only wish i could see some results or； just once； receive encouragement from someone who loves me。
dont condemn me； but think of me as a person who sometimes reaches the bursting point！
yours； anne
monday； november 9；1942
dearest kitty；
yesterday was peters birthday； his sixteenth。 i was upstairs by eight； and peter and i looked at his presents。 he received a game of monopoly； a razor and a cigarette lighter。 not that he smokes so much； not at all； it just looks so distinguished。
the biggest surprise came from mr。 van daan； who reported at one that the english had landed in tunis； algiers； casablanca and oran。
〃this is the beginning of the end；〃 everyone was saying； but churchill； the british prime minister； who must have heard the same thing being repeated in england； declared； 〃this is not the end。 it is not even the beginning of the end。 but it is； perhaps； the end of the beginning。〃 do you see the difference？ however； theres reason for optimism。 stalingrad； the russian city that has been under attack for three months； still hasnt fallen into german hands。
in the true spirit of the annex； i should talk to you about food。 （i should explain that theyre real gluttons up on the top floor。）
bread is delivered daily by a very nice baker； a friend of mr。 kleimans。 of course； we dont have as much as we did at home； but its enough。 we also purchase ration books on the black market。 the price keeps going up； its already risen from 27 to 33 guilders。 and that for mere sheets of printed paper！
to provide ourselves with a source of nutrition that will keep； aside from the hundred cans of food weve stored here； we bought three hundred pounds of beans。 not just for us； but for the office staff as well。 wed hung the sacks of beans on hooks in the hallway； just inside our secret entrance； but a few seams split under the weight。 so we decided to move them to the attic； and peter was entrusted with the heavy lifting。
he managed to get five of the six sacks upstairs intact and was busy with the last one when the sack broke and a flood； or rather a hailstorm； of brown beans went flying through the air and down the stairs。 since there were about fifty pounds of beans in that sack； it made enough noise to raise the dead。 downstairs they were sure the house was falling down around their heads。 peter was stunned； but then burst into peals of laughter when he saw me standing at the bottom of the stairs； like an island in a sea of brown； with waves of beans lapping at my ankles。 we promptly began picking them up； but beans are so small and slippery that they roll into every conceivable corner and hole。 now each time we go upstairs； we bend over and hunt around so we can present mrs。 van daan with a handful of beans。
i almost forgot to mention that father has recovered from his illness。
yours； anne
p。s。 the radio has just announced that algiers has fallen。 morocco； casablanca and oran have been in english hands for several days。 were now waiting for tunis。
tuesday； november 10； 1942
dearest kitty；
great news！ were planning to take an eighth person into hiding with us！
yes； really。 we always thought there was enough room and food for one more person； but we were afraid of placing an even greater burden on mr。 kugler and mr。 kleiman。
but since reports of the dreadful things being done to the jews are getting worse by the day； father decided to sound out these two gentlemen； and they thought it was an excellent plan。 〃its just as dangerous； whether there are seven or eight；〃 they noted rightly。 once this was settled； we sat down and mentally went through our circle of acquaintances； trying to e up with a single person who would blend in well with our extended family。 this wasnt difficult。 after father had rejected all the van daan relatives； we chose a dentist named alfred dussel。 he lives with a charming christian lady whos quite a bit younger than he is。 theyre probably not married； but thats beside the point。 hes known to be quiet and refined； and he seemed； from our superficial acquaintance with him； to be nice。 miep knows him as well； so shell be able to make the necessary arrangements。 if he es； mr。 dussel will have to sleep in my room instead of margot； who will have to make do with the folding bed。* ＇*after dussel arrived； margot slept in her parents bedroom。＇ well ask him to bring along something to fill cavities with。
yours； anne
thursday； november 12； 1942
dearest kitty；
miep came to tell us that shed been to see dr。 dussel。 he asked her the moment she entered the room if she knew of a hiding place and was enormously pleased when miep said she had something in mind。 she added 〃that hed need to go into hiding as soon as possible； preferably saturday； but he thought this was highly improbable； since he wanted to bring his records up to date； settle his accounts and attend to a couple of patients。 miep relayed the message to us this morning。 we didnt think it was wise to wait so long。 all these preparations require explanations to various people who we feel ought to be kept in the dark。 miep went to ask if dr。 dussel couldnt manage to e on saturday after all； but he said no； and now hes scheduled to arrive on monday。
i think its odd that he doesnt jump at our proposal。 if they pick him up on the street； it wont help either his records or his patients； so why the delay？ if you ask
me； its stupid of father to humor him。
otherwise； no news。
yours； anne
tuesday； november 17； 1942
dearest kitty！
mr。 dussel has arrived。 everything went smoothly。 miep told him to be at a certain place in front of the post office at 11 a。m。； when a man would meet him； and he was at the appointed place at the appointed time。 mr。 kleiman went up to him； announced that the man he was expecting to meet was unable to e and asked him to drop by the office to see miep。 mr。 kleiman took a streetcar back to the office while mr。
dussel followed on foot。
it was eleven…twenty when mr。 dussel tapped on the office door。 miep asked him to remove his coat； so the yellow star couldnt be seen； and brought him to the private office； where mr。 kleiman kept him occupied until the cleaning lady had gone。 on the pretext that the private office was needed for something else； miep took mr。 dussel upstairs； opened the bookcase and stepped inside； while mr。 dussellooked on in amazement。
in the meantime； the seven of us had seated ourselves around the dining table to await the latest addition to our family with coffee and cognac。 miep first led him into the frank familys room。 he immediately recognized our furniture； but had no idea we were upstairs； just above his head。 when miep told him； he was so astonished he nearly fainted。 thank goodness she didnt leave him in suspense any longer； but brought him upstairs。 mr。 dussel sank into a chair and stared at us in dumbstruck silence； as though he thought he could read the truth on our faces。 then he stuttered； 〃aber 。 。 。 but are you nicht in belgium？ the officer； the auto； they were not ing？
your escape was not working？鈥�
we explained the whole thing to him； about how wed deliberately spread the rumor of the officer and the car to throw the germans and anyone else who might e looking for us off the track。 mr。 dussel was speechless in the face of such ingenuity； and could do nothing but gaze around in surprise as he explored the rest of our lovely and ultrapractical annex。 we all had lunch together。 then he took a short nap； joined us for tea； put away the few belongings miep had been able to bring here in advance and began to