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well try to talk kleiman and his family into ing here to live with us。 well somehow get hold of a bag of wood shavings； so we can sleep on the floor。 lets ask miep and kleiman to bring some blankets； just in case。 and well order some extra cereal grains to supplement the sixty…five pounds we already have。 jan can try to find some more beans。 at the moment weve got about sixty…five pounds of beans and ten pounds of split peas。 and dont forget the fifty cans of vegetables。鈥�
〃what about the rest； mother？ give us the latest figures。 ； 〃ten cans of fish； forty cans of milk； twenty pounds of powdered milk； three bottles of oil； four crocks of butter； four jars of meat； two big jars of strawberries； two jars of raspberries； twenty jars of tomatoes； ten pounds of oatmeal； nine pounds of rice。
thats it。鈥�
our provisions are holding out fairly well。 all the same； we have to feed the office staff； which means dipping into our stock every week； so its not as much as it seems。
we have enough coal and firewood； candles too。
〃lets all make little moneybags to hide in our clothes so we can take our money with us if we need to leave here。鈥�
〃we can make lists of what to take first in case we have to run for it； and pack our knapsacks in advance。〃
〃when the time es； well put two people on the lookout； one in the loft at the front of the house and one in the back。鈥�
〃hey； whats the use of so much food if there isnt any water； gas or electricity？鈥�
〃well have to cook on the wood stove。 filter the water and boil it。 we should clean some big jugs and fill them with water。 we can also store water in the three kettles we use for canning； and in the washtub。鈥�
〃besides； we still have about two hundred and thirty pounds of winter potatoes in the spice storeroom。鈥�
all day long thats all i hear。 invasion； invasion； nothing but invasion。 arguments about going hungry； dying； bombs； fire extinguishers； sleeping bags； identity cards； poison gas； etc。； etc。 not exactly cheerful。
a good example of the explicit warnings of the male contingent is the following conversation with jan：
annex： 〃were afraid that when the germans retreat； theyll take the entire population with them。鈥�
jan： 〃thats impossible。 they havent got enough trains。鈥�
annex： 〃trains？ do you really think theyd put civilians on trains？ absolutely not。
everyone would have to hoof it。〃 （or； as dussel always says； per pedes apostolorum。）
jan： 〃i cant believe that。 youre always looking on the dark side。 what reason would they have to round up all the civilians and take them along？鈥�
annex： 〃dont you remember goebbels saying that if the germans have to go； theyll slam the doors to all the occupied territories behind them？鈥�
jan： 〃theyve said a lot of things。鈥�
annex： 〃do you think the germans are too noble or humane to do it？ their reasoning is： if we go under； well drag everyone else down with us。鈥�
jan： 〃you can say what you like； i just dont believe annex： 〃its always the same old story。 no one wants to see the danger until its
staring them in the face。鈥�
jan： 〃but you dont know anything for sure。 youre just making an assumption。鈥�
annex： 〃because weve already been through it all ourselves； first in germany and then here。 what do you thinks happening in russia？鈥�
jan： 〃you shouldnt include the jews。 i dont think anyone knows whats going on in russia。 the british and the russians are probably exaggerating for propaganda purposes； just like the germans。鈥�
annex： 〃absolutely not。 the bbc has always told the truth。 and even if the news is slightly exaggerated； the facts are bad enough as they are。 you cant deny that millions of peace…loving citizens in poland and russia have been murdered or gassed。鈥�
ill spare you the rest of our conversations。 im very calm and take no notice of all the fuss。 ive reached the point where i hardly care whether i live or die。 the world will keep on turning without me； and i cant do anything to change events anyway。 ill just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope that everything will be all right in the end。
yours； anne
tuesday； february 8； 1944
dear kitty；
i cant tell you how i feel。 one minute im longing for peace and quiet； and the next for a little fun。 weve forgotten how to laugh i mean； laughing so hard you can t stop。
this morning i had 〃the giggles〃； you know； the kind we used to have at school。
margot and i were giggling like real teenagers。
last night there was another scene with mother。 margot was tucking her wool blanket around her when suddenly she leapt out of bed and carefully examined the blanket。
what do you think she found？ a pin！ mother had patched the blanket and forgotten to take it out。 father shook his head meaningfully and made a ment about how careless mother is。 soon afterward mother came in from the bathroom； and just to tease her i said； 〃du bist doch eine echte rabenmutter。〃 ＇oh； you are cruel。＇
of course； she asked me why id said that； and we told her about the pin shed overlooked。 she immediately assumed her haughtiest expression and said； 〃youre a fine one to talk。 when youre sewing； the entire floor is covered with pins。 and look； youve left the manicure set lying around again。 you never put that away either！鈥�
i said i hadnt used it； and margot backed me up； since she was the guilty party。
mother went on talking about how messy i was until i got fed up and said； rather curtly； 〃i wasnt even the one who said you were careless。 im always getting blamed for other peoples mistakes！鈥�
mother fell silent； and less than a minute later i was obliged to kiss her good…night。
this incident may not have been very important； but these days everything gets on my nerves。
anne mary frank
saturday； february 12； 1944
dearest kitty；
the sun is shining； the sky is deep blue； theres a magnificent breeze； and im longing really longing for everything： conversation； freedom； friends； being alone。 i long。 。 。 to cry！ i feel as if i were about to explode。 i know crying would help； but i cant cry。 im restless。 i walk from one room to another； breathe through the crack in the window frame； feel my heart beating as if to say； 〃fulfill my longing at last。 。 。鈥�
i think spring is inside me。 i feel spring awakening； i feel it in my entire body and soul。 i have to force myself to act normally。 im in a state of utter confusion； dont know what to read； what to write； what to do。 i only know that im longing for something。 。 。
yours； anne
186 anne frank
monday； february 14； 1944
dearest kitty；
a lot has changed for me since saturday。 whats happened is this： i was longing for
something （and still am）； but。 。 。 a small； a very small； part of the problem has been resolved。
on sunday morning i noticed； to my great joy （ill be honest with you）； that peter kept looking at me。 not in the usual way。 i dont know； i cant explain it； but i suddenly had the feeling he wasnt as in love with margot as i used to think。 all day long i tried not to look at him too much； because whenever i did； i caught him looking at me and then well； it made me feel wonderful inside； and thats not a feeling i should have too often。
sunday evening everyone； except pim and me； was clustered around the radio； listening to the 〃immortal music of the german masters。〃 dussel kept twisting and turning the knobs； which annoyed peter； and the others too。 after restraining himself for half an hour； peter asked somewhat irritably if he would stop fiddling with the radio。 dussel replied in his haughtiest tone； 〃ich mach das schon！〃 ＇ill decide that。＇ peter got angry and made an insolent remark。 mr。 van daan sided with him； and dussel had to back down。 that was it。
the reason for the disagreement wasnt particularly interesting in and of itself； but peter has apparently taken the matter very much to heart； because this morning； when i was rummaging around in the crate of books in the attic； peter came up and began telling me what had happened。 i didnt know anything about it； but peter soon realized hed found an attentive listener and started warming up to his subject。
〃well； its like this；〃 he said。 〃i dont usually talk much； since i know beforehand ill just be tongue…tied。 i start stuttering and blushing and i twist my words around so much i finally have to stop； because i cant find the right words。 thats what happened yesterday。 i meant to say something entirely different； but once i started； i got all mixed up。 its awful。 i used to have a bad habit； and sometimes i wish i still did：
whenever i was mad at someone； id beat them up instead of arguing with them。 i know this method wont get me anywhere； and thats why i admire you。 youre never at a loss for words： you say exactly what you want to say and arent in the least bit shy。鈥�
〃oh； youre wrong about that；〃 i replied。 〃most of what i say es out very differently from the way id planned。 plus i talk too much and too long； and thats just as bad。鈥�
〃maybe； but you have the advantage that no one can see youre embarrassed。 you dont blush or go to pieces。〃
i couldnt help being secretly amused at his words。 however； since i wanted him to go on talking qui