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and what awaits me at the bottom of those fourteen stairs？ bright lights； questions and laughter。 i have to act normally and hope they dont notice anything。
my heart is still too tender to be able to recover so quickly from a shock like the one i had last night。 the gentle anne makes infrequent appearances； and shes not about to let herself be shoved out the door so soon after shes arrived。 peters reached a part of me that no one has ever reached before； except in my dream！ hes taken hold of me and turned me inside out。 doesnt everyone need a little quiet time to put themselves to rights again？ oh； peter； what have you done to me？ what do you want from me？
where will this lead？ oh； now i understand bep。 now； now that im going through it myself； i understand her doubts； if i were older and he wanted to marry me； what would my answer be？ anne； be honest！ you wouldnt be able to marry him。 but its so hard to let go。 peter still has too little character； too little willpower； too little courage and strength。 hes still a child； emotionally no older than i am； all he wants is happiness and peace of mind。 am i really only fourteen？ am i really just a silly schoolgirl？ am i really so inexperienced in everything？ i have more experience than most； ive experienced something almost no one my age ever has。
im afraid of myself； afraid my longing is making me yield too soon。 how can it ever go right with other boys later on？ oh； its so hard； the eternal struggle between heart
and mind。 theres a time and a place for both； but how can i be sure that ive chosen the right time？
yours； anne
m。 frank
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MAY； 1944
銆婂皬璇磘銆媥t澶╁爞
tuesday； may 2； 1944
dearest kitty；
saturday night i asked peter whether he thinks i should tell father about us。 after wed discussed it； he said he thought i should。 i was glad； it shows hes sensible； and sensitive。 as soon as i came downstairs； i went with father to get some water。 while we were on the stairs； i said； 〃father； im sure youve gathered that when peter and i are together； we dont exactly sit at opposite ends of the room。 do you think thats wrong？鈥�
father paused before answering： 〃no； i dont think its wrong。 but anne； when youre living so close together； as we do； you have to be careful。〃 he said some other words to that effect； and then we went upstairs。
sunday morning he called me to him and said； 〃anne； ive been thinking about what you said。〃 （oh； oh； i knew what was ing！） 〃here in the annex its not such a good idea。 i thought you were just friends。 is peter in love with you？鈥�
〃of course not；〃 i answered。
〃well； you know i understand both of you。 but you must be the one to show restraint；
dont go upstairs so often； dont encourage him more than you can help。 in matters like these； its always the man who takes the active role； and its up to the woman to set the limits。 outside； where youre free； things are quite different。 you see other boys and girls； you can go outdoors； take part in sports and all kinds of activities。 but here； if youre together too much and want to get away； you cant。 you see each other every hour of the day…all the time； in fact。 be careful； anne； and dont take it too seriously！
〃i dont； father； but peters a decent boy； a nice boy。鈥�
〃yes； but he doesnt have much strength of character。 he can easily be influenced to do good； but also to do bad。 i hope for his sake that he stays good； because hes basically a good person。〃
we talked some more and agreed that father would speak to him too。
sunday afternoon when we were in the front attic； peter asked； 〃have you talked to your father yet； anne？鈥�
〃yes；〃 i replied； 〃ill tell you all about it。 he doesnt think its wrong； but he says that here； where were in such close quarters； it could lead to conflicts。鈥�
〃weve already agreed not to quarrel； and i plan to keep my promise。鈥�
〃me too； peter。 but father didnt think we were serious； he thought we were just friends。 do you think we still can be？鈥�
〃yes； i do。 how about you？鈥�
〃me too。 i also told father that i trust you。 i do trust you； peter； just as much as i do father。 and i think youre worthy of my trust。 you are； arent you？鈥�
〃i hope so。〃 （he was very shy； and blushing。）
〃i believe in you； peter；〃 i continued。 〃i believe you have a good character and that youll get ahead in this world。鈥�
after that we talked about other things。 later i said； 〃if we ever get out of here； i know you wont give me another thought。鈥�
he got all fired up。 〃thats not true； anne。 oh no； i wont let you even think that about me！鈥�
just then somebody called us。
father did talk to him； he told me monday。 〃your father thought our friendship might turn into love；〃 he said。 〃but i told him wed keep ourselves under control。鈥�
father wants me to stop going upstairs so often； but i dont want to。 not just because i like being with peter； but because ive said i trust him。 i do trust him； and i want to prove it to him； but ill never be able to if i stay downstairs out of distrust。
no； im going！
in the meantime； the dussel drama has been resolved。 saturday evening at dinner he
apologized in beautiful dutch。 mr。 van daan was immediately reconciled。 dussel must have spent all day practicing his speech。
sunday； his birthday； passed without incident。 we gave him a bottle of good wine from 1919； the van daans （who can now give their gift after all） presented him with a jar of piccalilli and a package of razor blades； and mr。 kugler gave him a jar of lemon syrup （to make lemonade）； miep a book； little martin； and bep a plant。 he treated everyone to an egg。
yours； anne
m。 frank
wednesday； may 3； 1944
dearest kitty；
first the weekly news！ were having a vacation from politics。 theres nothing； and i mean absolutely nothing； to report。 im also gradually starting to believe that the invasion will e。 after all； they cant let the russians do all the dirty work；
actually； the russians arent doing anything at the moment either。
mr。 kleiman es to the office every morning now。 he got a new set of springs for peters divan； so peter will have to get to work reupholstering it； not surprisingly； he isnt at all in the mood。 mr。 kleiman also brought some flea powder for the cats。
have i told you that our boche has disappeared？ we havent seen hide nor hair of her since last thursday。 shes probably already in cat heaven； while some animal lover has turned her into a tasty dish。 perhaps some girl who can afford it will be wearing a cap made of boches fur。 peter is heartbroken。
for the last two weeks weve been eating lunch at eleven…thirty on saturdays； in the mornings we have to make do with a cup of hot cereal。 starting tomorrow itll be like this every day； that saves us a meal。 vegetables are still very hard to e by。 this afternoon we had rotten boiled lettuce。 ordinary lettuce； spinach and boiled let… tuce； thats all there is。 add to that rotten potatoes； and you have a meal fit for a king！
i hadnt had my period for more than two months； but it finally started last sunday。
despite the mess and bother； im glad it hasnt deserted me。
as you can no doubt imagine； we often say in despair； 〃whats the point of the war？
why； oh； why cant people live together peacefully？ why all this destruction？〃
the question is understandable； but up to now no one has e up with a satisfactory answer。 why is england manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs and at the same time churning out new houses for reconstruction？ why are millions spent on the war each day； while not a penny is available for medical science； artists or the poor？ why do people have to starve when mountains of food are rotting away in other parts of the world？ oh； why are people so crazy？
i dont believe the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists。 oh no； the mon man is every bit as guilty； otherwise； people and nations would have re… belled long ago！ theres a destructive urge in people； the urge to rage； murder and kill。 and until all of humanity； without exception； undergoes a metamorphosis； wars will continue to be waged； and everything that has been carefully built up； cultivated and grown will be cut down and destroyed； only to start allover again！
ive often been down in the dumps； but never desperate。 i look upon our life in hiding as an interesting adventure； full of danger and romance； and every privation as an amusing addition to my diary。 ive made up my mind to lead a different life from other girls； and not to bee an ordinary housewife later on。 what im experiencing here is a good beginning to an interesting life； and thats the reason the only reason why i have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments。
im young and have many hidden qualities； im young and strong and living through a big adventure； im right in the middle of it and cant spend all day plaining because its impossible to have any fun！ im blessed with many things： happiness； a cheerful disposition and strength。 every day i feel myself maturing； i feel liberation drawing near； i feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of the people around me。 every day i think what a fascinating and amusing