按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
I may as well insert here another letter； which arrived at
Turriepuffit； likewise addressed to David； some six weeks after the
foregoing。 They were both taken to Janet； of course：
〃SIR；I have heard from one who knows you； that you believereally
believe in God。 That is why I write to you。 It may seem very
strange in me to do so； but how can I help it？ I am a very unhappy
woman； for I am in the power of a bad man。 I cannot explain it all
to you； and I will not attempt it； for sometimes I almost think I am
out of my mind； and that it is all a delusion。 But； alas！ delusion
or not； it is a dreadful reality to me in all its consequences。 It
is of such a nature that no one can help mebut God； if there be a
God； and if you can make me believe that there is a God； I shall not
need to be persuaded that he will help me； for I will besiege him
with prayers night and day to set me free。 And even if I am out of
my mind； who can help me but him？ Ah！ is it not when we are driven
to despair； when there is no more help anywhere； that we look around
for some power of good that can put right all that is wrong？ Tell
me； dear sir； what to do。 Tell me that there certainly is a God；
else I shall die raving。 He said you knew about him better than
anybody else。
〃I am； honoured Sir；
〃Your obedient servant；
〃EUPHRASIA CAMERON。
〃Arnstead； Surrey； &c。； &c。〃
David's answer to this letter； would have been something worth
having。 But I think it would have been all summed up in one word：
Try and see： call and listen。
But what could Janet do with such letters？ She did the only thing
she could： she sent them to Margaret。
Hugh found it no great hardship to go to bed in the same room in
which he sat。 The bed looked peculiarly inviting； for； strange to
tell； it was actually hung with the same pattern of old…fashioned
chintz； as the bed which had been his from his earliest
recollection； till he left his father's house。 How could he mistake
the trees； growing with tufts to the ground； or the great birds
which he used to think were crows； notwithstanding their red and
yellow plumage？ It was all over red； brown； and yellow。 He could
remember； and reconstruct the very faces； distorted and awful；
which； in the delirium of childish sicknesses； he used to discover
in the foliage and stems of the trees。 It made the whole place seem
to him homely and kind。 When he got tired； he knelt by his bedside；
which he had not done for a long time； and then went to bed。
Hardship！ No。 It was very pleasant to see the dying fire； and his
books about and his papers； and to dream； half…asleep and
half…awake； that the house…fairies were stealing out to gambol for a
little in the fire…lighted silence of the room as he slept； and to
vanish as the embers turned black。 He had not been so happy for a
long time as now。 The writing of that letter had removed a load
from his heart。 True； we can never be at peace till we have
performed the highest duty of alltill we have arisen； and gone to
our Father； but the performance of smaller duties； yes； even of the
smallest； will do more to give us temporary repose； will act more as
healthful anodynes； than the greatest joys that can come to us from
any other quarter。 He soon fell asleep； and dreamed that he was a
little child lost in a snow…storm； and that just as the snow had
reached above his head； and he was beginning to be smothered； a
great hand caught hold of him by the arm and lifted him out； and；
lo！ the storm had ceased； and the stars were sparkling overhead like
diamonds that had been drinking the light of the sun all day； and he
saw that it was David； as strong as ever； who had rescued him； the
little child； and was leading him home to Janet。 But he got sleepy
and faint upon the way； which was long and cold； and then David
lifted him up and carried him in his bosom； and he fell asleep。
When he woke； and； opening his eyes； looked up to him who bore him；
it was David no longer。 The face was that which was marred more
than any man's； because the soul within had loved more； it was the
face of the Son of Man； and he was carrying him like a lamb in his
bosom。 He gazed more and more as they travelled through the cold
night； and the joy of lying in the embrace of that man； grew and
grew； till it became too strong for the bonds of sleep； and he awoke
in the fog of a London morning。
CHAPTER III。
ENDEAVOURS。
And； even should misfortunes come；
I； here wha sit； hae met wi' some；
An's thankfu' for them yet。
They gie the wit of age to youth；
They let us ken oursel'；
They mak' us see the naked truth；
The real guid and ill。
Tho' losses； and crosses；
Be lessons right severe；
There's wit there； ye'll get there；
Ye'll find nae other where。
BURNS。
Hugh took his advertisement to the Times office； and paid what
seemed to him an awful amount for its insertion。 Then he wandered
about London till the middle of the day； when he went into a baker's
shop； and bought two penny loaves； which he put in his pocket。
Having found his way to the British Museum； he devoured them at his
leisure as he walked through the Grecian and Roman saloons。 〃What is
the use of good health；〃 he said to himself； 〃if a man cannot live
upon bread？〃 Porridge and oatmeal cakes would have pleased him as
well； but that food for horses is not so easily procured in London；
and costs more than the other。 A cousin of his had lived in
Edinburgh for six months upon eighteen…pence a week in that way； and
had slept the greater part of the time upon the floor； training
himself for the hardships of a soldier's life。 And he could not
forget the college youth whom his comrades had considered mean； till
they learned that； out of his poor bursary of fourteen pounds a
session； and what he could make besides by private teaching at the
rate previously mentioned or even less； he helped his parents to
educate a younger brother； and； in order to do so； lived himself
upon oatmeal and potatoes。 But they did not find this out till
after he was dead； poor fellow！ He could not stand it。
I ought at the same time to mention； that Hugh rarely made use of a
crossing on a muddy day； without finding a half…penny somewhere
about him for the sweeper。 He would rather walk through oceans of
mud； than cross at the natural place when he had no
coppersespecially if he had patent leather boots on。
After he had eaten his bread； he went home to get some water。 Then；
as he had nothing else to do； he sat down in his room； and began to
manufacture a story； thinking it just possible it might be accepted
by one or other of the pseudo…literary publications with which
London is inundated in hebdomadal floods。 He found spinning almost
as easy as if he had been a spider； for he had a ready invention；
and a natural gift of speech； so that； in a few days； he had
finished a story； quite as good as most of those that appear in the
better sort of weekly publications。 This； in his modesty； he sent
to one of the inferior sort； and heard nothing more of it than if he
had flung it into the sea。 Possibly he flew too low。 He tried
again； but with no better success。 His ambition grew with his
disappointments； or perhaps rather with the exercise of his
faculties。 Before many days had passed he made up his mind to try a
novel。 For three months he worked at this six hours a day
regularly。 When material failed him； from the exhaustion consequent
upon uninterrupted production； he would recreate himself by lying
fallow for an hour or two； or walking out in a mood for merely
passive observation。 But this anticipates。
His advertisement did not produce a single inquiry； and he shrunk
from spending more money in such an apparently unprofitable
appliance。 Day after day went by； and no voice reached him from the
unknown world of labour。 He went at last to several stationers'
shops in the neighbourhood； bought some necessary articles； and took
these opportunities of asking if they knew of any one in want of
such assistance as he could give。 But unpleasant as he felt it to
make such inquiries； he soon found that to most people it was
equally unpleasant to reply to them。 There seemed to be something
disreputable in having to answer such questions； to judge from the
constrained； indifferent； and sometimes； though not often； surly
answers which he received。 〃Can it be；〃 thought Hugh； 〃as
disgraceful to ask for work as to ask for bread？〃 If he had had a
thousand a year； and had wanted a situation of another thousand； it
would have been quite commendable； but to try to elude cold and
hunger by inquiring after paltry shillings' worths of hard labour；
was despicable。
So he placed the more hope upon his novel； and worked at that
diligently。 But he did not find it quite so easy as he had at first
expected。 No one finds anything either so easy or so difficult as；
in opposite moods； he had expected to find it。 Everything is
possible； but without labour and failure nothing is achievable。 The
labour； however； comes naturally； and experience grows without
agonizing transitions； while the failure generally points； in its
detected c