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directly such a matter of courseso old…fashioned； and so akin
to proverbs that it inspires exultation rather than fear； and a
sense of safety； as identified with the aboriginal and the
universal。 But no words may express the imposing certainty of
the patient that he is realizing the primordial； Adamic surprise
of Life。
〃Repetition of the experience finds it ever the same； and as if
it could not possibly be otherwise。 The subject resumes his
normal consciousness only to partially and fitfully remember its
occurrence； and to try to formulate its baffling importwith
only this consolatory afterthought： that he has known the oldest
truth； and that he has done with human theories as to the origin；
meaning； or destiny of the race。 He is beyond instruction in
'spiritual things。'
〃The lesson is one of central safety： the Kingdom is within。
All days are judgment days： but there can be no climacteric
purpose of eternity； nor any scheme of the whole。 The astronomer
abridges the row of bewildering figures by increasing his unit of
measurement： so may we reduce the distracting multiplicity of
things to the unity for which each of us stands。
〃This has been my moral sustenance since I have known of it。 In
my first printed mention of it I declared： 'The world is no more
the alien terror that was taught me。 Spurning the cloud…grimed
and still sultry battlements whence so lately Jehovan thunders
boomed； my gray gull lifts her wing against the nightfall； and
takes the dim leagues with a fearless eye。' And now； after
twenty…seven years of this experience； the wing is grayer； but
the eye is fearless still； while I renew and doubly emphasize
that declaration。 I knowas having knownthe meaning of
Existence： the sane centre of the universe at once the wonder
and the assurance of the soulfor which the speech of reason has
as yet no name but the Anaesthetic Revelation。〃 I have
considerably abridged the quotation。
This has the genuine religious mystic ring！ I just now quoted J。
A。 Symonds。 He also records a mystical experience with
chloroform； as follows：
'After the choking and stifling had passed away； I seemed at
first in a state of utter blankness； then came flashes of intense
light； alternating with blackness； and with a keen vision of what
was going on in the room around me； but no sensation of touch。 I
thought that I was near death； when； suddenly； my soul became
aware of God； who was manifestly dealing with me； handling me； so
to speak； in an intense personal present reality。 I felt him
streaming in like light upon me。 。 。 。 I cannot describe the
ecstasy I felt。 Then； as I gradually awoke from the influence of
the anaesthetics； the old sense of my relation to the world began
to return； the new sense of my relation to God began to fade。 I
suddenly leapt to my feet on the chair where I was sitting； and
shrieked out； 'It is too horrible； it is too horrible； it is too
horrible；' meaning that I could not bear this disillusionment。
Then I flung myself on the ground； and at last awoke covered with
blood； calling to the two surgeons （who were frightened）； 'Why
did you not kill me？ Why would you not let me die？' Only think
of it。 To have felt for that long dateless ecstasy of vision the
very God； in all purity and tenderness and truth and absolute
love； and then to find that I had after all had no revelation；
but that I had been tricked by the abnormal excitement of my
brain。
〃Yet； this question remains； Is it possible that the inner sense
of reality which succeeded； when my flesh was dead to impressions
from without； to the ordinary sense of physical relations； was
not a delusion but an actual experience？ Is it possible that I；
in that moment； felt what some of the saints have said they
always felt； the undemonstrable but irrefragable certainty of
God？〃＇235＇
＇235＇ Op。 cit。； pp。 78…80； abridged。 I subjoin； also abridging
it； another interesting anaesthetic revelation communicated to me
in manuscript by a friend in England。 The subject； a gifted
woman； was taking ether for a surgical operation。
〃I wondered if I was in a prison being tortured； and why I
remembered having heard it said that people 'learn through
suffering；' and in view of what I was seeing； the inadequacy of
this saying struck me so much that I said； aloud； 'to suffer IS
to learn。'
〃With that I became unconscious again； and my last dream
immediately preceded my real coming to。 It only lasted a few
seconds； and was most vivid and real to me； though it may not be
clear in words。
〃A great Being or Power was traveling through the sky； his foot
was on a kind of lightning as a wheel is on a rail； it was his
pathway。 The lightning was made entirely of the spirits of
innumerable people close to one another； and I was one of them。
He moved in a straight line； and each part of the streak or flash
came into its short conscious existence only that he might
travel。 I seemed to be directly under the foot of God； and I
thought he was grinding his own life up out of my pain。 Then I
saw that what he had been trying with all his might to do was to
CHANGE HIS COURSE； to BEND the line of lightning to which he was
tied； in the direction in which he wanted to go。 I felt my
flexibility and helplessness； and knew that he would succeed。 He
bended me； turning his corner by means of my hurt； hurting me
more than I had ever been hurt in my life； and at the acutest
point of this； as he passed； I SAW。 I understood for a moment
things that I have now forgotten； things that no one could
remember while retaining sanity。 The angle was an obtuse angle；
and I remember thinking as I woke that had he made it a right or
acute angle； I should have both suffered and 'seen' still more；
and should probably have died。
〃He went on and I came to。 In that moment the whole of my life
passed before me； including each little meaningless piece of
distress； and I UNDERSTOOD them。 THIS was what it had all meant；
THIS was the piece of work it had all been contributing to do。 I
did not see God's purpose； I only saw his intentness and his
entire relentlessness towards his means。 He thought no more of
me than a man thinks of hurting a cork when he is opening wine；
or hurting a cartridge when he is firing。 And yet； on waking； my
first feeling was； and it came with tears； 'Domine non sum
digna；' for I had been lifted into a position for which I was too
small。 I realized that in that half hour under ether I had
served God more distinctly and purely than I had ever done in my
life before； or than I am capable of desiring to do。 I was the
means of his achieving and revealing something； I know not what
or to whom； and that； to the exact extent of my capacity for
suffering。
〃While regaining consciousness； I wondered why； since I had gone
so deep； I had seen nothing of what the saints call the LOVE of
God； nothing but his relentlessness。 And then I heard an answer；
which I could only just catch； saying； 'Knowledge and Love are
One； and the MEASURE is suffering'I give the words as they came
to me。 With that I came finally to （into what seemed a dream
world compared with the reality of what I was leaving）； and I saw
that what would be called the 'cause' of my experience was a
slight operation under insufficient ether； in a bed pushed up
against a window； a common city window in a common city street。
If I had to formulate a few of the things I then caught a glimpse
of； they would run somewhat as follows：
〃The eternal necessity of suffering and its eternal
vicariousness。 The veiled and incommunicable nature of the worst
sufferings；the passivity of genius； how it is essentially
instrumental and defenseless； moved； not moving； it must do what
it does；the impossibility of discovery without its
price；finally； the excess of what the suffering 'seer' or
genius pays over what his generation gains。 （He seems like one
who sweats his life out to earn enough to save a district from
famine； and just as he staggers back； dying and satisfied；
bringing a lac of rupees to buy grain with； God lifts the lac
away； dropping ONE rupee； and says； 'That you may give them。
That you have earned for them。 The rest is for ME。'） I perceived
also in a way never to be forgotten； the excess of what we see