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When they were on the steps inside the building; he turned to Helen
Stanley and said:
〃I should like to go back to the pictures once more。 I feel as if I
must stand among them just a little longer。 They have been my
companions for so long that they are almost part of myself。 I can
close my eyes and recall them faithfully。 But I want to take a last
look at them; I want to feel once more the presence of the great
masters; and to refresh my mind with their genius。 When I look at
their work I think of their life; and can only wonder at their death。
It was so strange that they should die。〃
They went back together; and he took her to his favourite pictures;
but remained speechless before them; and she did not disturb his
thoughts。 At last he said:
〃I am ready to go。 I have said farewell to them all。 I know nothing
more wonderful than being among a number of fine pictures。 It is
almost overwhelming。 Once expects nature to be grand; but one does not
expect man to be grand。〃
〃You know we don't agree there;〃 she answered。 〃/I/ expect everything
grand and great from man。〃
They went out of the gallery; and into Trafalgar Square。 It was a
scorching afternoon in August; but there was some cooling comfort in
seeing the dancing water of the fountains sparkling so brightly in the
sunshine。
〃Do you mind stopping here a few minutes?〃 he said。 〃I should like to
sit down and watch。 There is so much to see。〃
She led the way to a seat; one end of which was occupied by a workman;
who was sleeping soundly; and snoring too; his arms folded tightly
together。 He had a little clay pipe in the corner of his mouth; it
seemed to be tucked in so snugly that there was not much danger of its
falling to the ground。 At last Helen spoke to her companion。
〃What do you mean by saying that you will not be able to finish your
picture? Perhaps you are not well。 Indeed; you don't look well。 You
make me anxious; for I have a great regard for you。〃
〃I am ill and suffering;〃 he answered; quietly。 〃I thought I should
have died yesterday; but I made up my mind to live until I saw you
again; and I thought I would ask you to spend the afternoon with me;
and go with me to Westminster Abbey; and sit with me in the cloisters。
I do not feel able to go by myself; and I know of no one to ask except
you; and I believed you would not refuse me; for you have been very
kind to me。 I do not quite understand why you have been kind to me;
but I am wonderfully grateful to you。 Today I heard some one in the
gallery say that you were plain。 I turned round and I said; 'I beg
your pardon; /I/ think she is very beautiful。' I think they laughed;
and that puzzled me; for you have always seemed to me a very beautiful
person。〃
At that moment the little clay pipe fell from the workman's mouth and
was broken into bits。 He awoke with a start; gazed stupidly at the old
man and his companion; and at the broken clay pipe。
〃Curse my luck!〃 he said; yawning。 〃I was fond of that damned little
pipe。〃
The old man drew his own pipe and his own tobacco…pouch from his
pocket。
〃Take these; stranger;〃 he said。 〃I don't want them。 And good luck to
you。〃
The man's face brightened up as he took the pipe and pouch。
〃You're uncommon kind;〃 he said。 〃Can you spare them?〃 he added;
holding them out half reluctantly。
〃Yes;〃 answered the old man; 〃I shall not smoke again。 You may as well
have these matches too。〃
The labourer put them in his pocket; smiled his thanks; and walked
some little distance off; and Helen watched him examine his new pipe;
and then fill it with tobacco and light it。
Mr。 Lindall proposed that they should be getting on their way to
Westminster; and they soon found themselves in the abbey。 They sat
together in the Poets' Corner; a smile of quiet happiness broke over
the old man's tired face as he looked around and took in all the
solemn beauty and grandeur of the resting…place of the great。
〃You know;〃 he said; half to himself; half to his companion; 〃I have
no belief of any kind; and no hopes and no fears; but all through my
life it has been a comfort to me to sit quietly in a church or a
cathedral。 The graceful arches; the sun shining through the stained
windows; the vaulted roof; the noble columns; have helped me to
understand the mystery which all our books of philosophy cannot make
clear; though we bend over them year after year; and grow old over
them; old in age and in spirit。 Though I myself have never been
outwardly a worshipper; I have never sat in a place of worship but
that; for the time being; I have felt a better man。 But directly the
voice of doctrine or dogma was raised the spell was broken for me; and
that which I hoped was being made clear had no further meaning for me。
There was only one voice which ever helped me; the voice of the organ;
arousing me; thrilling me; filling me with strange longing; with
welcome sadness; with solemn gladness。 I have always thought that
music can give an answer when everything else is of no avail。 I do not
know what you believe。〃
〃I am so young to have found out;〃 she said; almost pleadingly。
〃Don't worry yourself;〃 he answered; kindly。 〃Be brave and strong; and
let the rest go。 I should like to live long enough to see what you
will make of your life。 I believe you will never be false to yourself
or to any one。 That is rare。 I believe you will not let any lower
ideal take the place of your high ideal of what is beautiful and noble
in art; in life。 I believe that you will never let despair get the
upper hand of you。 If it does you may as well die; yes; you may as
well。 And I entreat you not to lose your entire faith in humanity。
There is nothing like that for withering up the very core of the
heart。 I tell you; humanity and nature have so much in common with
each other that if you lose part of your pleasure in the latter; you
will see less beauty in the trees; the flowers; and the fields; less
grandeur in the mighty mountains and the sea。 The seasons will come
and go; and you will scarcely heed their coming and going: winter will
settle over your soul; just as it settled over mine。 And you see what
I am。〃
They had now passed into the cloisters; and they sat down in one of
the recesses of the windows; and looked out upon the rich plot of
grass which the cloisters enclose。 There was not a soul there except
themselves; the cool and the quiet and the beauty of the spot
refreshed these pilgrims; and they rested in calm enjoyment。
Helen was the first to break the silence。
〃I am glad you have brought me here;〃 she said; 〃I shall never grumble
now at not being able to afford a fortnight in the country。 This is
better than anything else。〃
〃It has always been my summer holiday to come here;〃 he said。 〃When I
first came I was like you; young and hopeful; and I had wonderful
visions of what I intended to do and to be。 Here it was I made a vow
that I would become a great painter; and win for myself a resting
place in this very abbey。 There is humour in the situation; is there
not?〃
〃I don't like to hear you say that;〃 she answered。 〃It is not always
possible for us to fulfil all our ambitions。 Still; it is better to
have had them; and failed of them; than not to have had them at all。〃
〃Possibly;〃 he replied; coldly。 Then he added; 〃I wish you would tell
me about yourself。 You have always interested me。〃
〃I have nothing to tell you about myself;〃 she answered; frankly。 〃I
am alone in the world; without friends and without relations。 The very
name I use is not a real name。 I was a foundling。 At times I am sorry
I do not belong to any one; and at other times I am glad。 You know I
am fond of books and of art; so my life is not altogether empty; and I
find my pleasure in hard work。 When I saw you at the gallery I wished
to know you; and I asked one of the students who you were。 He told me
you were a misanthrope。 Then I did not care so much about knowing you;
until one day you spoke to me about my painting; and that was the
beginning of our friendship。〃
〃Forty years ago;〃 he said; sadly; 〃the friend of my boyhood deceived
me。 I had not thought it possible that he could be false to me。 He
screened himself behind me; and became prosperous and respected at the
expense of my honour。 I vowed I would never again make a friend。 A few
years later; when I was beginning to hold up my head; the woman whom I
loved deceived me。 Then I put from me all affection and all love。
Greater natures than mine are better able to bear these troubles; but
my heart contracted and withered up。〃
He paused for a moment; many recollections overpowering him。 Then he
went on telling her the history of his life; unfolding to her the
story of his hopes and ambitions; describing to her the very home
where he was born; and the dark…eyed sister whom he had loved; and
with whom h