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nymeansofsupport。shetoldallthiswiththeresignedandunhopefulmannerofonewhohasalwaysbeenaccustomedtosuffer。thetwosistersweremuchaffected；isawthemconsultingwitheachotherinalowtone：thenfrancestookthirtysousoutofalittlecoarsesilkpurse；whichwasalltheyhadleft；andgavethemtothepoorgirl。ihastenedontothatsideofthehedge；but；beforeireachedit；imetthetwooldsisters；whocalledouttomethattheywouldnotreturnbytherailway；butonfoot！
ithenunderstoodthatthemoneytheyhadmeantforthejourneyhadjustbeengiventothebeggar！good；likeevil；iscontagious：iruntothepoorwoundedgirl；giveherthesumthatwastopayformyownplace；andreturntofrancesandmadeleine；andtellthemiwillwalkwiththem
iamjustebackfromtakingthemhome；andhaveleftthemdelightedwiththeirday；therecollectionofwhichwilllongmakethemhappy。
thismorningiwaspityingthosewhoselivesareobscureandjoyless；now；iunderstandthatgodhasprovidedapensationwitheverytrial。
thesmallestpleasurederivesfromrarityarelishotherwiseunknown。
enjoymentisonlywhatwefeeltobesuch；andtheluxuriousmanfeelsnolonger：satietyhasdestroyedhisappetite；whileprivationpreservestotheotherthatfirstofearthlyblessings：thebeingeasilymadehappy。
oh；thaticouldpersuadeeveryoneofthis！thatsotherichmightnotabusetheirriches；andthatthepoormighthavepatience。ifhappinessistherarestofblessings；itisbecausethereceptionofitistherarestofvirtues。
madeleineandfrances！yepooroldmaidswhosecourage；resignation；andgenerousheartsareyouronlywealth；prayforthewretchedwhogivethemselvesuptodespair；fortheunhappywhohateandenvy；andfortheunfeelingintowhoseenjoymentsnopityenters
CHAPTER VI
unclemaurice
june7th；fouroclocka。m。
iamnotsurprisedathearing；wheniawake；thebirdssingingsojoyfullyoutsidemywindow；itisonlybyliving；astheyandido；inatopstory；thatoneestoknowhowcheerfulthemorningsreallyareupamongtheroofs。itistherethatthesunsendshisfirstrays；andthebreezeeswiththefragranceofthegardensandwoods；therethatawanderingbutterflysometimesventuresamongtheflowersoftheattic；andthatthesongsoftheindustriouswork…womanwelethedawnofday。
thelowerstoriesarestilldeepinsleep；silence；andshadow；whileherelabor；light；andsongalreadyreign。
whatlifeisaroundme！seetheswallowreturningfromhersearchforfood；withherbeakfullofinsectsforheryoungones；thesparrowsshakethedewfromtheirwingswhiletheychaseoneanotherinthesunshine；andmyneighborsthrowopentheirwindows；andwelethemorningwiththeirfreshfaces！delightfulhourofwaking；wheneverythingreturnstofeelingandtomotion；whenthefirstlightofdaystrikesuponcreation；andbringsittolifeagain；asthemagicwandstruckthepalaceofthesleepingbeautyinthewood！itisamomentofrestfromeverymisery；thesufferingsofthesickareallayed；andabreathofhopeentersintotheheartsofthedespairing。but；alas！itisbutashortrespite！everythingwillsoonresumeitswontedcourse：
thegreathumanmachine；withitslongstrains；itsdeepgasps；itscollisions；anditscrashes；willbeagainputinmotion。
thetranquillityofthisfirstmorninghourremindsmeofthatofourfirstyearsoflife。then；too；thesunshinesbrightly；theairisfragrant；andtheillusionsofyouth…thosebirdsofourlifesmorning…singaroundus。whydotheyflyawaywhenweareolder？wheredothissadnessandthissolitude；whichgraduallystealuponus；efrom？thecourseseemstobethesamewithindividualsandwithmunities：atstarting；soreadilymadehappy；soeasilyenchanted；andatthegoal；thebitterdisappointmentorreality！theroad；whichbeganamonghawthornsandprimroses；endsspeedilyindesertsorinprecipices！whyistheresomuchconfidenceatfirst；somuchdoubtatlast？has；then；theknowledgeoflifenootherendbuttomakeitunfitforhappiness？
mustwecondemnourselvestoignoranceifwewouldpreservehope？istheworldandistheindividualmanintended；afterall；tofindrestonlyinaneternalchildhood？
howmanytimeshaveiaskedmyselfthesequestions！solitudehastheadvantageorthedangerofmakinguscontinuallysearchmoredeeplyintothesameideas。asourdiscourseisonlywithourself；wealwaysgivethesamedirectiontotheconversation；wearenotcalledtoturnittothesubjectwhichoccupiesanothermind；orinterestsanothersfeelings；andsoaninvoluntaryinclinationmakesusreturnforevertoknockatthesamedoors！
iinterruptedmyreflectionstoputmyatticinorder。ihatethelookofdisorder；becauseitshowseitheracontemptfordetailsoranunaptnessforspirituallife。toarrangethethingsamongwhichwehavetolive；istoestablishtherelationofpropertyandofusebetweenthemandus：itistolaythefoundationofthosehabitswithoutwhichmantendstothesavagestate。what；infact；issocialorganizationbutaseriesofhabits；settledinaccordancewiththedispositionsofournature？
idistrustboththeintellectandthemoralityofthosepeopletowhomdisorderisofnoconsequence鈥斺�攚hocanliveateaseinanaugeanstable。
whatsurroundsus；reflectsmoreorlessthatwhichiswithinus。themindislikeoneofthosedarklanternswhich；inspiteofeverything；stillthrowsomelightaround。ifourtastesdidnotrevealourcharacter；theywouldbenolongertastes；butinstincts。
whileiwasarrangingeverythinginmyattic；myeyesrestedonthelittlealmanachangingovermychimney…piece。ilookedforthedayofthemonth；andisawthesewordswritteninlargeletters：〃fetedieu！〃
itisto…day！inthisgreatcity；wheretherearenolongeranypublicreligioussolemnities；thereisnothingtoremindusofit；butitis；intruth；theperiodsohappilychosenbytheprimitivechurch。〃thedaykeptinhonorofthecreator；〃sayschateaubriand；〃happensatatimewhentheheavenandtheearthdeclarehispower；whenthewoodsandfieldsarefullofnewlife；andallareunitedbythehappiestties；thereisnotasinglewidowedplantinthefields。〃
whatrecollectionsthesewordshavejustawakened！ileftoffwhatiwasabout；ileanedmyelbowsonthewindowsill；and；withmyheadbetweenmytwohands；iwentbackinthoughttothelittletownwherethefirstdaysofmychildhoodwerepassed。
thefetedieuwasthenoneofthegreateventsofmylife！itwasnecessarytobediligentandobedientalongtimebeforehand；todeservetoshareinit。istillrecollectwithwhatrapturesofexpectationigotuponthemorningoftheday。therewasaholyjoyintheair。theneighbors；upearlierthanusual；hungclothswithflowersorfigures；workedintapestry；alongthestreets。iwentfromonetoanother；byturnsadmiringreligiousscenesofthemiddleages；mythologicalpositionsoftherenaissance；oldbattlesinthestyleoflouisxiv；andthearcadiasofmadamedepompadour。allthisworldofphantomsseemedtobeingforthfromthedustofpastages；toassist鈥斺�攕ilentandmotionless鈥斺�攁ttheholyceremony。ilooked；alternatelyinfearandwonder；atthoseterriblewarriorswiththeirswordsalwaysraised；thosebeautifulhuntressesshootingthearrowwhichneverleftthebow；andthoseshepherdsinsatinbreechesalwaysplayingthefluteatthefeetoftheperpetuallysmilingshepherdess。sometimes；whenthewindblewbehindthesehangingpictures；itseemedtomethatthefiguresthemselvesmoved；andiwatchedtoseethemdetachthemselvesfromthewall；andtaketheirplacesintheprocession！buttheseimpressionswerevagueandtransitory。thefeelingthatpredominatedovereveryotherwasthatofanoverflowingyetquietjoy。inthemidstofallthefloatingdraperies；thescatteredflowers；thevoicesofthemaidens；andthegladnesswhich；likeaperfume；exhaledfromeverything；youfelttransportedinspiteofyourself。thejoyfulsoundsofthefestivalwererepeatedinyourheart；inathousandmelodiousechoes。youweremoreindulgent；moreholy；moreloving！forgodwasnotonlymanifestinghimselfwithout；butalsowithinus。
andthenthealtarsfortheoccasion！thefloweryarbors！thetriumphalarchesmadeofgreenboughs！whatpetitionamongthedifferentparishesfortheerectionoftheresting…placeswheretheprocessionwastohalt！itwaswhoshouldcontributetherarestandthemostbeautifulofhispossessions！
itwasthereimademyfirstsacrifice！
thewreathsofflowerswerearranged；thecandleslighted；andthetabernacledressedwithroses；butonewaswantingfittocrownthewhole！alltheneighboringgardenshadbeenransacked。ialonepossessedaflowerworthyofsuchaplace。itwasontherose…treegivenmebymymotheronmybirthday。ihadwatcheditforseveralmonths；andtherewasnootherbudtoblowonthetree。thereitwas；halfopen；initsmossynest；theobjectofsuchlongexpectations；andofallachildspride！ihesitatedforsomemoments。noonehadaskedmeforit；imighteasilyavoidlosingit。ishouldhearnoreproaches；butonerosenoiselesslywithinme。wheneveryoneelsehadgivenalltheyhad；oughtialonetokeepbackmytreasure？oughtitogrudgetogodoneofthegiftswhich；likealltherest；ihadreceivedfromhim？atthislastthoughtipluckedtheflowerfromthestem；andtookittoputatthetopofthetabernacle。ah！whydoestherecollectionofthissacrifice；whichwassohardandyetsosweettome；nowmakemesmile？
isitsocertainthatthevalueofagiftisinitself；ratherthanintheintention？ifthecupofcoldwaterinthegospelisrememberedtothepoorman；whyshouldnottheflowerberememberedtothechild？letusnotlookdownuponthechildssimpleactofgenerosity；itisthesewhichaccustomthesoultoself…denialandtosympathy。icherishedthismoss…rosealongtimeasasacredtalisman；ihadreasontocherishitalways；astherecordofthefirstvictorywonovermyself。
itisnowmanyyearssinceiwitnessedthecelebrationofthefetedieu；butshouldiagainfeelinitthehappysensationsofformerdays？
istillrememberhow；whentheprocessionhadpassed；iwalkedthroughthestreetsstrewedwithflowersandshadedwithgreenboughs。ifeltintoxicatedbythelingeringperfumesoftheincense；mixedwiththefragranceofsyringas；jessamine；androses；andiseemednolongertotouchthegroundasiwentalong。ismiledateverything；thewholeworldwasparadiseinmyeyes；anditseemedtomethatgodwasfloatingintheair！
moreover；thisfeelingwasnottheexcitementofthemoment：itmightbemoreintenseoncertaindays；butatthesametimeitcontinuedthroughtheordinarycourseofmylife。manyyearsthuspass