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the notch on the ax and on being found out-第69部分

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clear…cut features; the delicate; sensitive lips; close shaven now;
as they had been hairless then;all were as I remembered them。
But the face was paler and thinner than it had been; and there were
lines round the eyes and at the corners of the mouth which were no
more natural to twenty…five than they would have been to twenty。
The old charm indeedthe sweet friendliness of manner; which was
his own peculiar possessionwas still there。  He talked and
laughed almost as much as formerly; but the talk was manufactured
for our entertainment; and the laughter came from his head and not
from his heart。  And it was when he was taking no part in the
conversation that the change showed most。  Then the face; on which
in the old time every passing emotion had expressed itself in a
constant; living current; became cold and impassivewithout
interest; and without desire。  It was at such times that I knew
most certainly that here was something which had been living and
was dead。  Was it only his boyhood?  This question I was unable to
answer。

Still; in spite of all; that week was one of the happiest in my
life。  The brothers were both men of enough ability and cultivation
to be pleasant talkers; and Lucy could perform adequately the part
of conversational accompanist; which; socially speaking; is all
that is required of a woman。  The meals and evenings passed quickly
and agreeably; the mornings I spent in unending gossips with Lucy;
or in games with the children; two bright boys of five and six
years old。  But the afternoons were the best part of the day。
George was a thorough squire in all his tastes and habits; and
every afternoon his wife dutifully accompanied him round farms and
coverts; inspecting new buildings; trudging along half…made roads;
or marking unoffending trees for destruction。  Then Alan and I
would ride by the hour together over moor and meadowland; often
picking our way homewards down the glen…side long after the autumn
evenings had closed in。  During these rides I had glimpses many a
time into depths in Alan's nature of which I doubt whether in the
old days he had himself been aware。  To me certainly they were as a
revelation。  A prevailing sadness; occasionally a painful tone of
bitterness; characterized these more serious moods of his; but I do
not think that; at the end of that week; I would; if I could; have
changed the man; whom I was learning to revere and to pity; for the
light…hearted playmate whom I felt was lost to me for ever。


II


The only feature of the family life which jarred on me was the
attitude of the two brothers towards the children。  I did not
notice this much at first; and at all times it was a thing to be
felt rather than to be seen。  George himself never seemed quite at
ease with them。  The boys were strong and well grown; healthy in
mind and body; and one would have thought that the existence of two
such representatives to carry on his name and inherit his fortune
would have been the very crown of pride and happiness to their
father。  But it was not so。  Lucy indeed was devoted to them; and
in all practical matters no one could have been kinder to them than
was George。  They were free of the whole house; and every
indulgence that money could buy for them they had。  I never heard
him give them a harsh word。  But there was something wrong。  A
constraint in their presence; a relief in their absence; an evident
dislike of discussing them and their affairs; a total want of that
enjoyment of love and possession which in such a case one might
have expected to find。  Alan's state of mind was even more marked。
Never did I hear him willingly address his nephews; or in any way
allude to their existence。  I should have said that he simply
ignored it; but for the heavy gloom which always overspread his
spirits in their company; and for the glances which he would now
and again cast in their directionglances full of some hidden
painful emotion; though of what nature it would have been hard to
define。  Indeed; Alan's attitude towards her children I soon found
to be the only source of friction between Lucy and this otherwise
much…loved member of her husband's family。  I asked her one day why
the boys never appeared at luncheon。

〃Oh; they come when Alan is away;〃 she answered; 〃but they seem to
annoy him so much that George thinks it is better to keep them out
of sight when he is here。  It is very tiresome。  I know that it is
the fashion to say that George has got the temper of the family;
but I assure you that Alan's nervous moods and fancies are much
more difficult to live with。〃

That was on the morninga Friday it wasof the last day which we
were to spend alone。  The guests were to arrive soon after tea; and
I think that with the knowledge of their approach Alan and I
prolonged our ride that afternoon beyond its usual limits。  We were
on our way home; and it was already dusk; when a turn of the path
brought us face to face with the old ruined tower; of which I have
already spoken as standing at the head of the valley。  I had not
been close up to it yet during this visit at Mervyn。  It had been a
very favorite haunt of ours as children; and partly on that
account; partly perhaps in order to defer the dreaded close of our
ride to the last possible moment; I proposed an inspection of it。
The only portion of the old building left standing in any kind of
entirety was two rooms; one above the other。  The tower room; level
with the bottom of the moat; was dark and damp; and it was the
upper one; reached by a little outside staircase; which had been
our rendezvous of old。  Alan showed no disposition to enter; and
said that he would stay outside and hold my horse; so I dismounted
and ran up alone。

The room seemed in no way changed。  A mere stone shell; littered
with fragments of wood and mortar。  There was the rough wooden
block on which Alan used to sit while he first frightened us with
bogey…stories; and then calmed our excited nerves by rapid sallies
of wild nonsense。  There was the plank from behind which; erected
as a barrier across the doorway; he would defend the castle against
our united assault; pelting us with fir…cones and sods of earth。
This and many a bygone scene thronged on me as I stood there; and
the room filled again with the memories of childish mirth。  And
following close came those of childish terrors。  Horrors which had
oppressed me then; wholly imagined or dimly apprehended from half…
heard traditions; and never thought of since; flitted around me in
the gathering dusk。  And with them it seemed to me as if there came
other memories too;memories which had never been my own; of
scenes whose actors had long been with the dead; but which;
immortal as the spirit before whose eyes they had dwelt; still
lingered in the spot where their victim had first learnt to shudder
at their presence。  Once the ghastly notion came to me; it seized
on my imagination with irresistible force。  It seemed as if from
the darkened corners of the room vague; ill…defined shapes were
actually peering out at me。  When night came they would show
themselves in that form; livid and terrible; in which they had been
burnt into the brain and heart of the long ago dead。

I turned and glanced towards where I had left Alan。  I could see
his figure framed in by the window; a black shadow against the gray
twilight of the sky behind。  Erect and perfectly motionless he sat;
so motionless as to look almost lifeless; gazing before him down
the valley into the illimitable distance beyond。  There was
something in that stern immobility of look and attitude which
struck me with a curious sense of congruity。  It was right that he
should be thusright that he should be no longer the laughing boy
who a moment before had been in my memory。  The haunting horrors of
that place seemed to demand it; and for the first time I felt that
I understood the change。  With an effort I shook myself free from
these fancies; and turned to go。  As I did so; my eye fell upon a
queer…shaped painted board; leaning up against the wall; which I
well recollected in old times。  Many a discussion had we had about
the legend inscribed upon it; which in our wisdom we had finally
pronounced to be German; chiefly because it was illegible。  Though
I had loudly professed my faith in this theory at the time; I had
always had uneasy doubts on the subject; and now half smiling I
bent down to verify or remove them。  The language was English; not
German; but the badly painted; faded Gothic letters in which it was
written made the mistake excusable。  In the dim light I had
difficulty even now in deciphering the words; and felt when I had
done so that neither the information conveyed nor the style of the
composition was sufficient reward for the trouble I had taken。
This is what I read:


     〃Where the woman sinned the maid shall win;
      But God help the maid that sleeps within。〃


What the lines could refer to I neither had any notion nor did I
pause then even in my own mind to inquire。  I only remember vaguely
wondering whether they were intended for a tombstone or for a
doorway。  Then; continuing my way; I rapidly descended the steps
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