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And so on and so on。 We set down the five known facts by
themselves on a piece of paper； and numbered it 〃page 1〃； then on
fifteen hundred other pieces of paper we set down the
〃conjectures；〃 and 〃suppositions；〃 and 〃maybes；〃 and 〃perhapses；〃
and 〃doubtlesses；〃 and 〃rumors；〃 and guesses；〃 and
〃probabilities；〃 and 〃likelihoods；〃 and 〃we are permitted to
thinks；〃 and 〃we are warranted in believings；〃 and 〃might have
beens；〃 and 〃could have beens；〃 and 〃must have beens；〃 and
〃unquestionablys；〃 and 〃without a shadow of doubt〃and behold！
MATERIALS？ Why； we had enough to build a biography of Shakespeare！
Yet he made me put away my pen； he would not let me write
the history of Satan。 Why？ Because； as he said； he had
suspicionssuspicions that my attitude in the matter was not
reverent； and that a person must be reverent when writing about
the sacred characters。 He said any one who spoke flippantly of
Satan would be frowned upon by the religious world and also be
brought to account。
I assured him； in earnest and sincere words； that he had
wholly misconceived my attitude； that I had the highest respect
for Satan； and that my reverence for him equaled； and possibly
even exceeded； that of any member of the church。 I said it
wounded me deeply to perceive by his words that he thought I
would make fun of Satan； and deride him； laugh at him； scoff at
him； whereas in truth I had never thought of such a thing； but
had only a warm desire to make fun of those others and laugh at
THEM。 〃What others？ 〃Why； the Supposers； the Perhapsers； the
Might…Have…Beeners； the Could…Have…Beeners； the Must…Have…Beeners；
the Without…a…Shadow…of…Doubters； the We…Are…Warranted…in…Believingers；
and all that funny crop of solemn architects who have taken a
good solid foundation of five indisputable and unimportant facts
and built upon it a Conjectural Satan thirty miles high。〃
What did Mr。 Barclay do then？ Was he disarmed？ Was he
silenced？ No。 He was shocked。 He was so shocked that he
visibly shuddered。 He said the Satanic Traditioners and
Perhapsers and Conjecturers were THEMSELVES sacred！ As sacred as
their work。 So sacred that whoso ventured to mock them or make
fun of their work； could not afterward enter any respectable
house； even by the back door。
How true were his words； and how wise！ How fortunate it
would have been for me if I had heeded them。 But I was young； I
was but seven years of age； and vain； foolish； and anxious to
attract attention。 I wrote the biography； and have never been in
a respectable house since。
III
How curious and interesting is the parallelas far as
poverty of biographical details is concernedbetween Satan and
Shakespeare。 It is wonderful； it is unique； it stands quite
alone； there is nothing resembling it in history； nothing
resembling it in romance； nothing approaching it even in
tradition。 How sublime is their position； and how over…topping；
how sky…reaching； how supremethe two Great Unknowns； the two
Illustrious Conjecturabilities！ They are the best…known unknown
persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet。
For the instruction of the ignorant I will make a list； now；
of those details of Shakespeare's history which are FACTS
verified facts； established facts； undisputed facts。
Facts
He was born on the 23d of April； 1564。
Of good farmer…class parents who could not read； could not
write； could not sign their names。
At Stratford； a small back settlement which in that day was
shabby and unclean； and densely illiterate。 Of the nineteen
important men charged with the government of the town； thirteen
had to 〃make their mark〃 in attesting important documents；
because they could not write their names。
Of the first eighteen years of his life NOTHING is known。
They are a blank。
On the 27th of November （1582） William Shakespeare took out
a license to marry Anne Whateley。
Next day William Shakespeare took out a license to marry
Anne Hathaway。 She was eight years his senior。
William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway。 In a hurry。 By
grace of a reluctantly granted dispensation there was but one
publication of the banns。
Within six months the first child was born。
About two （blank） years followed； during which period
NOTHING AT ALL HAPPENED TO SHAKESPEARE； so far as anybody knows。
Then came twins1585。 February。
Two blank years follow。
Then1587he makes a ten…year visit to London； leaving the family behind。
Five blank years follow。 During this period NOTHING
HAPPENED TO HIM； as far as anybody actually knows。
Then1592there is mention of him as an actor。
Next year1593his name appears in the official list of players。
Next year1594he played before the queen。 A detail of no
consequence： other obscurities did it every year of the forty…
five of her reign。 And remained obscure。
Three pretty full years follow。 Full of play…acting。 Then*
In 1597 he bought New Place； Stratford。
Thirteen or fourteen busy years follow； years in which he
accumulated money； and also reputation as actor and manager。
Meantime his name； liberally and variously spelt； had
become associated with a number of great plays and poems； as
（ostensibly） author of the same。
Some of these； in these years and later； were pirated； but
he made no protest。
Then1610…11he returned to Stratford and settled down for
good and all； and busied himself in lending money； trading in
tithes； trading in land and houses； shirking a debt of forty…one
shillings； borrowed by his wife during his long desertion of his
family； suing debtors for shillings and coppers； being sued
himself for shillings and coppers； and acting as confederate to a
neighbor who tried to rob the town of its rights in a certain
common； and did not succeed。
He lived five or six yearstill 1616in the joy of these
elevated pursuits。 Then he made a will； and signed each of its
three pages with his name。
A thoroughgoing business man's will。 It named in minute
detail every item of property he owned in the worldhouses；
lands； sword； silver…gilt bowl； and so onall the way down to
his 〃second…best bed〃 and its furniture。
It carefully and calculatingly distributed his riches among
the members of his family； overlooking no individual of it。 Not
even his wife： the wife he had been enabled to marry in a hurry
by urgent grace of a special dispensation before he was nineteen；
the wife whom he had left husbandless so many years； the wife who
had had to borrow forty…one shillings in her need； and which the
lender was never able to collect of the prosperous husband； but
died at last with the money still lacking。 No； even this wife
was remembered in Shakespeare's will。
He left her that 〃second…best bed。〃
And NOT ANOTHER THING； not even a penny to bless her lucky
widowhood with。
It was eminently and conspicuously a business man's will；
not a poet's。
It mentioned NOT A SINGLE BOOK。
Books were much more precious than swords and silver…gilt
bowls and second…best beds in those days； and when a departing
person owned one he gave it a high place in his will。
The will mentioned NOT A PLAY； NOT A POEM； NOT AN UNFINISHED
LITERARY WORK； NOT A SCRAP OF MANUSCRIPT OF ANY KIND。
Many poets have died poor； but this is the only one in
history that has died THIS poor； the others all left literary
remains behind。 Also a book。 Maybe two。
If Shakespeare had owned a dogbut we not go into that： we
know he would have mentioned it in his will。 If a good dog；
Susanna would have got it； if an inferior one his wife would have
got a downer interest in it。 I wish he had had a dog； just so we
could see how painstakingly he would have divided that dog among
the family； in his careful business way。
He signed the will in three places。
In earlier years he signed two other official documents。
These five signatures still exist。
There are NO OTHER SPECIMENS OF HIS PENMANSHIP IN EXISTENCE。
Not a line。
Was he prejudiced against the art？ His granddaughter； whom
he loved； was eight years old when he died； yet she had had no
teaching； he left no provision for her education； although he was
rich； and in her mature womanhood she couldn't write and couldn't
tell her husband's manuscript from anybody else'sshe thought it
was Shakespeare's。
When Shakespeare died in Stratford； IT WAS NOT AN EVENT。 It
made no more stir in England than the death of any other
forgotten theater…actor would have made。 Nobody came down from
London； there were no lamenting poems； no eulogies； no national
tearsthere was merely silence； and nothing more。 A striking
contrast with what happened when Ben Jonson； and Francis Bacon；
and Spenser； and Raleigh； and the other distinguished literary
folk of Shakespeare's time passed f